Due to focusing on only this aspect, I lost myself. I didn't take time to focus on my deeper issues that led to me being unhealthy. Plus, after completing the Spartan race, I just stopped exercising and focusing on eating healthy. I have stopped working on being a healthy mom.
One thing I really want to address is something that I believe plagues a lot of people. That is anxiety and the affect it can have on your health.
I struggle with anxiety. I have general anxiety as well as social anxiety. For a while my anxiety wasn't very bad, but since I haven't been taking care of myself it is through the roof. People who haven't suffered anxiety often don't understand and think you can just take anti-anxiety medication and "get over it." It is not that simple.
Imagine walking into a room full of the snobbiest people in the world. You are in the middle of the room and they are all looking at you. You suddenly realize that you are naked. They are staring, sneering, making horrible comments. They snub their noses at you and make faces of disgust. They are judging every part of you. Your stomach is too flabby, your legs are too skinny, you are too hairy, etc. They pick at every part of how you look and use it to pass judgement of WHO you are. Your heart is beating fast, you don't want to look into anyone's eyes, you just want to run and find a safe place to hide.
That is social anxiety. Sure, when I go to the store I am not standing there naked in front of snobby people. But I may as well be. Because the way you would feel in the above scenario is how someone with social anxiety feels nearly all the time.
When I talk to people, I am constantly thinking that I sound like a complete idiot. I believe they are bored of anything I have to say and what I have to say is unimportant. People who don't respond when I talk, or are looking at their phone instead of me when we are talking just make this feeling worse. So in my mind I crawl into my safe place and stop talking. I prefer to just be home in my safe place, but even there I have anxiety that my family thinks I am just an idiot and not worth their time.
The anxiety may not be there all the time. At times I will actually feel comfortable and enjoy being around people. I never know which version of me is going to be present so that gives me anxiety about planning ahead for social gatherings. Because I don't know how I will be feeling in that future time.
There is a lot more to social anxiety. Hopefully that brief insight will help those who don't understand, be able to understand it.
Anxiety is draining. Physically, emotionally, mentally draining. It is draining for the person who has the anxiety AND for those close to that person. It can affect marriages and friendships. People can become overwhelmed by dealing with someone who has anxiety. And those of us with anxiety are fully aware of that (unfortunately, that makes the anxiety worse...because we are constantly worried that we are too much for our spouse, family, or close friends).
So what can you do if someone you love and/or care about has anxiety? The answer isn't a simple cut and dry answer. I have a blanket answer: just be there for them. That can mean something different at different times.
*It could mean be there to listen to them when they need to talk (TRULY listen AND hear what they have to say).
*It could be sitting silently together just looking off into the distance.
*Or maybe it could be that you talk about whatever is going on in your life to help take the person's mind off their own life (you talk, they listen and don't need to come up with responses).
*At times a hug is needed.
*Sending a text out of the blue to see how they are doing or let them know you are thinking of them (trust me, this one can truly help!).
*Ask how they are doing and actually want to hear the answer (instead of wanting to hear the typical "I'm good" that everyone says even when they aren't good...dig deeper, show you care).
Having any kind of relationship with someone with anxiety can take work, but hopefully you can see it is worth it. Because I am not my anxiety. I have so much more to me than just having anxiety. That goes for anyone who has anxiety. Hopefully people can see past the anxiety and see the great people that are hiding behind it.
There are times when the only way to change the way your life is going is to do it yourself and there are times when you need others to help lift you up (sometimes carry you....or drag you...) until you are strong enough to do it for yourself. It can be a roller coaster ride at times, but with the right support system you can do anything.
