Scales Aren't the Only Things That Lie...

It is crazy the tricks that our minds play on us. When I look in the mirror I still tend to see a fat girl looking back at me. I believe what the mirror is showing me. I then feel down and frustrated that my work is for nothing. Which makes me sneak junk food and not work out as often as I should. I believe the lies the mirror is telling me.

The other day I went to my brother's house. His teenage daughter gave me a hug and she said something like, "woah, that is so weird. You are so skinny!" I was caught off guard! It made me feel good and also made me wonder if that was true. Was I really thin now? But the girl I see in the mirror isn't thin...

Today was a really rough day with the kids. They were fighting with each other, treating me poorly, etc. I was in a horrible mood and wanted to run away. By the time I got the two youngest to bed I had already planned I was just going to leave and walk for a couple hours by myself (tempted to not go back home for a long long long LONG time...). I had my shoes on and I was ready to leave after I tucked in my 4 year old. My husband peaked his head into the room when I was reading her a book and asked if I wanted to go for a walk with him when I was done. I decided it would be less lonely to run away if he were with me =)

We normally only walk about a mile, but with how I was feeling tonight we just kept walking. We ended up walking 3.8 miles (speed walking a lot of the time).

Ok, so how does this have anything at all to do with the first part of my blog??? I'll tell you...

When I was feeling so down and angry, I was feeling crummy about myself. I saw the fat ugly girl in the mirror. At first on our walk I still felt that way, but by mile 1 I was starting to feel a little better. I had emotionally cooled down. I was enjoying my husband's company. The endorphins were flowing. I went to look at the ground and saw this small body. My first thought was of confusion. Whose body was that??? Because it couldn't possibly be mine! I realized that the mirror had been lying and that because I have been stressed and not exercising as much as I should, my depression started kicking in. And when depressed I tend to believe the negative over the positive.

I may not be at my goal for how I want my body to look. I still have toning to do, I still have strength to gain, but I need to quit believing the lies that I am still the 210 lb fat girl I was just a few years ago. I have lost 64 lbs!!! I just walked 3.8 miles without getting out of breath and could've easily walked further. I am healthier than I have ever been and will continue to get better. And for now on, I will call the mirror out on it's lies and let myself see my progress and be proud of how far I have come.