970 minutes.
That is the amount of minutes scheduled weekly for appointments (I include church, church activities, and extra curriculars in that). Then add roughly 580 minutes of drive time to all of those appointments. I am not including doctor appointments that might pop up. This is a normal week. These appointments happen EVERY SINGLE WEEK.
1,550 minutes or almost 26 hours are spoken for every week.
Now I am adding in an exercise class 3 days a week. Which is another 180 minutes plus 60 minutes drive time. (but this is something I really need. My "me" time to help me on my journey to be healthier.)
Almost 30 hours of each week is planned. Then to think of the time spent grocery shopping, making meals, helping kids with homework, cleaning the house... Can I even begin to estimate those minutes/hours????
*sigh*
I am EXHAUSTED!!
My health problems cause me great fatigue rather easily. So when I am busy like this, I get extremely burnt out. This results in me having a couple days or more where I just can't get up and do as much. My body just shuts down and I can barely get out of bed. Due to that, I have become more of a homebody than I ever was before. These past couple days where I didn't have anything too pressing to do, I didn't fight the fatigue. I just let my body rest and catch up. (Can we say Netflix binge?!?!)
It is hard enough to keep up with all the duties of being a mom. Then to add health problems just really makes it rough. As a mom, though, I feel the need to put on a front. To pretend I have it all together and just fake that I can keep up. Put a smile on my face and act like I can handle it all. Because there are so many other moms out there who have even more to do and they don't complain! But I think the reality is that the other moms probably feel just as frazzled as I do. We all try so hard to put this fake "put together mom" front, "super mom" front, that we over do it.
I don't mean to say dads don't have it hard. My husband is plenty busy between work, school, and being a dad. But there is something so incredibly draining as a mom to be driving kids around (especially when you have little ones you have to get in and out of the car seats over and over, and take kids multiple potty breaks when out and about), dealing with the kids 24 hours a day, the fighting, the constant redirecting the kids to do what you have asked them to do, riding the emotional roller coaster of each different kids temperament and emotions... Mom's rarely get a break from the kids, especially a mental break. Where dads tend to get to go focus on work and have a nice, quiet commute. (Same goes for stay at home dads. They know just how stay at home moms feel!)
I love my life as a mom. (most of the time...) This is what I always dreamed of having. But at this point in time, due to my health, it is just hard to do it all. At this point in time, FATIGUE is part of who I am. I have some good days, but more bad days than good. But I am done with feeling guilty for this being who I am. This may not be how I always am (I truly hope to find an alternative medicine to help my health conditions so I don't have to live with this the rest of my life), but right now this is who I am and that is not something that I need to feel guilty about.
So on my good days I will do everything I am able to do. On my bad days, I will do what little bit I can manage to do and just be grateful to be alive and for having a wonderful, understanding husband. I was once told by a friend that everything has its season. This is the season I am in and I will find joy in it the best I can. That doesn't mean that I will give up on trying to improve, but it means I won't be so hard on myself for not being able to do certain things at this time.
Saturday, February 13, 2016
Wednesday, February 3, 2016
Day 7- Anger
At the beginning of this new journey for me, I planned to write a self discovery each day. As you can tell by looking back at my posts, I keep skipping days... It has definitely been challenging for me to write this. Partly because I am opening myself up to EVERYONE. Anyone can read these blog posts. That kind of scares me! And part of the challenge has been to find the good parts about me to share.
I could fill up many days worth about negative things about me and I have been trying to focus on my positive attributes/talents/etc. I wrote about being flawed, but that was quite vague. Today has been a difficult day. Actually, the past several days have been difficult. I have had a couple people put my anger to the test and so anger is on my mind tonight as I attempt to write.
Now how can I put a positive spin on my anger? Well, I really can't. I know that anger is a weakness that I need to work on. Am I justified in my anger? Actually, as a matter of fact I am quite justified. Does it make it ok for me to be angry? Well...that depends what I do with the anger. Do I act out with it? Do I learn from it? Do I let it fuel me to do something good to better the situation?
The quickest way to make me angry is to lie to me or about me. I have had both happen a lot recently. One of the people it is a normal thing so I should be used to it, but the other person I didn't expect it from. So it has really shaken me up and made my anger come out. Tonight I was so angry that I actually had the thought cross my mind of how good it would feel to punch this certain person in the face. Don't worry, I would NEVER actually do that. I am not a violent person. But I was mad enough that I actually thought about it.
Where do I go from here? Justified as it may be, how would Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ want me to act during this test of my anger?
I can guarantee they wouldn't want me to punch anyone...
Part of self discovery is to notice the negative things about ourselves and to turn them into positive things. I get angry. I yell when I am angry and if I don't yell then I bottle it up and always end up exploding about something small later on. That isn't WHO I am, but it is something I have that I struggle with. I don't have to let it control my life and I don't have to just sit back and say, "I am an angry person, that is just who I am so don't expect me to be any other way." I know this is something that I want to change about myself and now I need to make a plan (and follow through with it) on how I can change it.
The things that make me most angry have to do with dishonesty. I cannot change other people. I cannot force others to be honest. All I can do is make sure that I am being honest. I have always tried hard to be honest, but I know at times I fall short. I feel guilty at being dishonest. So much so that I actually become physically ill if I lie.... (a BIG guilty conscience was given to me when God made me!). I even feel guilty if someone asks how I am and I say, "I'm good" when really I am depressed and barely able to force a smile. There is a balance, though. Not every person who asks how I am is actually wanting a 100% truthful answer. They don't want to know of the many struggles I am facing. And I most definitely don't want to share my life details with everyone I cross paths with. But I can change things so when I am asked, "How are you?" I say, "Eh, could be better. How are you?" or "I'm still breathing, so there's that!" Anything that isn't actually lying =)
The biggest problem, though, is in others being dishonest with me or about me. Because that is beyond hurtful and feels like a stab to the back and heart at the same time. I honestly am not sure how to veer my anger in those situations. But I do think that realizing the anger stems from feeling hurt by it and then to be able to voice that would be a good start. "It hurt me to be lied to, it hurt me to be lied about." I need to allow myself to have a voice, just not a loud, booming voice...
I found this picture (above) that I took almost 9 years ago. Maybe only in my mind, but it seemed to me a perfect picture for how I am feeling. A lie sparked a fire (anger) in me. I can keep the fire contained, but still keep stoking it and adding wood to it (dwelling on the lies) or I can let it die out. Realizing that if I keep the fire going I am going to hurt myself or others or both (not meaning physically). I can use the fire for good, if used right. Like a fire being used to prepare food or give warmth. But it is easy to let it get out of control when adding to the fire.
As I finish writing this, I realize another thing about myself... I think a lot more clearly as I write. It really is healing. But I will save that for another day!
I could fill up many days worth about negative things about me and I have been trying to focus on my positive attributes/talents/etc. I wrote about being flawed, but that was quite vague. Today has been a difficult day. Actually, the past several days have been difficult. I have had a couple people put my anger to the test and so anger is on my mind tonight as I attempt to write.
Now how can I put a positive spin on my anger? Well, I really can't. I know that anger is a weakness that I need to work on. Am I justified in my anger? Actually, as a matter of fact I am quite justified. Does it make it ok for me to be angry? Well...that depends what I do with the anger. Do I act out with it? Do I learn from it? Do I let it fuel me to do something good to better the situation?
The quickest way to make me angry is to lie to me or about me. I have had both happen a lot recently. One of the people it is a normal thing so I should be used to it, but the other person I didn't expect it from. So it has really shaken me up and made my anger come out. Tonight I was so angry that I actually had the thought cross my mind of how good it would feel to punch this certain person in the face. Don't worry, I would NEVER actually do that. I am not a violent person. But I was mad enough that I actually thought about it.
Where do I go from here? Justified as it may be, how would Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ want me to act during this test of my anger?
I can guarantee they wouldn't want me to punch anyone...
Part of self discovery is to notice the negative things about ourselves and to turn them into positive things. I get angry. I yell when I am angry and if I don't yell then I bottle it up and always end up exploding about something small later on. That isn't WHO I am, but it is something I have that I struggle with. I don't have to let it control my life and I don't have to just sit back and say, "I am an angry person, that is just who I am so don't expect me to be any other way." I know this is something that I want to change about myself and now I need to make a plan (and follow through with it) on how I can change it.
The things that make me most angry have to do with dishonesty. I cannot change other people. I cannot force others to be honest. All I can do is make sure that I am being honest. I have always tried hard to be honest, but I know at times I fall short. I feel guilty at being dishonest. So much so that I actually become physically ill if I lie.... (a BIG guilty conscience was given to me when God made me!). I even feel guilty if someone asks how I am and I say, "I'm good" when really I am depressed and barely able to force a smile. There is a balance, though. Not every person who asks how I am is actually wanting a 100% truthful answer. They don't want to know of the many struggles I am facing. And I most definitely don't want to share my life details with everyone I cross paths with. But I can change things so when I am asked, "How are you?" I say, "Eh, could be better. How are you?" or "I'm still breathing, so there's that!" Anything that isn't actually lying =)
The biggest problem, though, is in others being dishonest with me or about me. Because that is beyond hurtful and feels like a stab to the back and heart at the same time. I honestly am not sure how to veer my anger in those situations. But I do think that realizing the anger stems from feeling hurt by it and then to be able to voice that would be a good start. "It hurt me to be lied to, it hurt me to be lied about." I need to allow myself to have a voice, just not a loud, booming voice...
I found this picture (above) that I took almost 9 years ago. Maybe only in my mind, but it seemed to me a perfect picture for how I am feeling. A lie sparked a fire (anger) in me. I can keep the fire contained, but still keep stoking it and adding wood to it (dwelling on the lies) or I can let it die out. Realizing that if I keep the fire going I am going to hurt myself or others or both (not meaning physically). I can use the fire for good, if used right. Like a fire being used to prepare food or give warmth. But it is easy to let it get out of control when adding to the fire.
As I finish writing this, I realize another thing about myself... I think a lot more clearly as I write. It really is healing. But I will save that for another day!
Monday, February 1, 2016
Day 6- I am a Mormon
I belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints- aka the Mormon church.
I was born into a Mormon family and was raised Mormon, but I left the church when I was a teenager. There are many reasons why I left as a teenager, but one thing I wanted was to not have "Mormon" be something that I was described as being. To me, it wasn't part of my identity and I didn't want it to be.
Here I am, almost 34, and I am singing a much different tune. I am now realizing just how much being a Mormon is part of who I am. I am not ashamed of it like I once was. In fact, I am proud of it being part of who I am. It just took an eleven year hiatus for me to figure that out.
Why am I a Mormon? I am a Mormon because in my heart I believe The Bible and The Book of Mormon to be true. They testify of Christ and teach us how to return to live with Heavenly Father. I have read the Book of Mormon and know without a doubt the truths that it teaches. I believe the doctrine taught by the church. I believe in the importance of the family unit. I know that Jesus Christ lives and atoned for my sins because he loves me (and everyone) THAT much.
Honestly, I could write pages on all the specific things that I believe about this church. But to me, one of the things that stands out the most to me is the difference of how I felt when I had nothing to do with the church versus how I have felt since coming back. I spent 11 years doing whatever I wanted because I decided I wasn't going to let a church tell me what I could or couldn't do. I thought I would be happier not having restrictions. I smoked, I drank, I used marijuana. I married young to a man who treated me very badly and was abusive. I thought all these choices would free me, but instead I felt trapped and empty. I divorced and started a new life. I later remarried, but I still felt empty.
Then 6 years ago my husband became interested in the Mormon church. I went with him to church and sat in on his missionary lessons. I started feeling the emptiness grow smaller. The hole I had for 11 years was going away. I realized that the very thing I had been running away from for all those years was the very thing I needed in my life. I began to realize that the "restrictions" weren't punishments like they had felt like before, but were guidelines to keep me safe. I went back to following the "rules" of the church- no smoking/drinking/drugs/swearing/coffee... I dedicated myself to repenting and healing myself through Christ.
During the past 6 years, we have definitely had many trials. In fact the biggest trials of our 9 year marriage have been during the last 6 years. Being religious and giving your life to God doesn't take away the trials by any means. In fact a lot of the time I find it to be the opposite effect. Tests of faith come often. And I don't always pass the tests at first, but I do eventually find my faith again and strengthen it. I know that more tests will come, but I am so grateful that I have the gospel of Jesus Christ to lean on during those trials. I am also grateful to have a wonderful man of God to be by my side and face the trials with me.
I know that Heavenly Father is mindful of our individual needs. He loves each and every one of us, His children, so incredibly much. He listens when we pray and is eager to hear from each of us. It doesn't matter who you are, what religion you are or aren't- He is there for you always.
If you would like to learn more about The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints please go to www.mormon.org
I was born into a Mormon family and was raised Mormon, but I left the church when I was a teenager. There are many reasons why I left as a teenager, but one thing I wanted was to not have "Mormon" be something that I was described as being. To me, it wasn't part of my identity and I didn't want it to be.
Here I am, almost 34, and I am singing a much different tune. I am now realizing just how much being a Mormon is part of who I am. I am not ashamed of it like I once was. In fact, I am proud of it being part of who I am. It just took an eleven year hiatus for me to figure that out.
Why am I a Mormon? I am a Mormon because in my heart I believe The Bible and The Book of Mormon to be true. They testify of Christ and teach us how to return to live with Heavenly Father. I have read the Book of Mormon and know without a doubt the truths that it teaches. I believe the doctrine taught by the church. I believe in the importance of the family unit. I know that Jesus Christ lives and atoned for my sins because he loves me (and everyone) THAT much.
Honestly, I could write pages on all the specific things that I believe about this church. But to me, one of the things that stands out the most to me is the difference of how I felt when I had nothing to do with the church versus how I have felt since coming back. I spent 11 years doing whatever I wanted because I decided I wasn't going to let a church tell me what I could or couldn't do. I thought I would be happier not having restrictions. I smoked, I drank, I used marijuana. I married young to a man who treated me very badly and was abusive. I thought all these choices would free me, but instead I felt trapped and empty. I divorced and started a new life. I later remarried, but I still felt empty.
Then 6 years ago my husband became interested in the Mormon church. I went with him to church and sat in on his missionary lessons. I started feeling the emptiness grow smaller. The hole I had for 11 years was going away. I realized that the very thing I had been running away from for all those years was the very thing I needed in my life. I began to realize that the "restrictions" weren't punishments like they had felt like before, but were guidelines to keep me safe. I went back to following the "rules" of the church- no smoking/drinking/drugs/swearing/coffee... I dedicated myself to repenting and healing myself through Christ.
During the past 6 years, we have definitely had many trials. In fact the biggest trials of our 9 year marriage have been during the last 6 years. Being religious and giving your life to God doesn't take away the trials by any means. In fact a lot of the time I find it to be the opposite effect. Tests of faith come often. And I don't always pass the tests at first, but I do eventually find my faith again and strengthen it. I know that more tests will come, but I am so grateful that I have the gospel of Jesus Christ to lean on during those trials. I am also grateful to have a wonderful man of God to be by my side and face the trials with me.
I know that Heavenly Father is mindful of our individual needs. He loves each and every one of us, His children, so incredibly much. He listens when we pray and is eager to hear from each of us. It doesn't matter who you are, what religion you are or aren't- He is there for you always.
If you would like to learn more about The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints please go to www.mormon.org
Friday, January 29, 2016
Day 5- I am an Oxymoron
I don't like to work, but I am a hard worker. (therefore I am an oxymoron haha)
I have had many different jobs. I started working when I was 15 and always had a job until I was a stay at home mom. I have worked a few times while being a mom too, but do whatever I can to instead stay at home to raise my four children. I always worked really hard for the companies that hired me, but I never felt fulfilled. I always feel guilty accepting money. I would much rather do service and help people than to do anything for money.
This becomes a problem when we are in need of money to support our family. Right now, in order to help my family, I clean a friends house a couple times a week. I enjoy it and look forward to it (I love that we get to talk as I clean and her kids often follow me around, which I love), but every single time she pays me I feel downright guilty. I would be happy to clean for her just because I care and want to help out. I only accept the money because we really need it right now.
I will seriously work myself to the point of pure exhaustion and barely able to move. I love working hard. It makes me feel good about myself and makes me feel worthwhile. The more exhausted and sore I am, the more accomplished I feel because it means that I gave it my all. I feel like I have purpose when I am working physically hard and when I am helping people.
There is a possibility that one day I will be required to work full time for money in order to take care of my family. I dread that thought. I hope that it is a very, very long time before that is the case. In the mean time, I will work hard at helping others as often as possible.
I have had many different jobs. I started working when I was 15 and always had a job until I was a stay at home mom. I have worked a few times while being a mom too, but do whatever I can to instead stay at home to raise my four children. I always worked really hard for the companies that hired me, but I never felt fulfilled. I always feel guilty accepting money. I would much rather do service and help people than to do anything for money.
This becomes a problem when we are in need of money to support our family. Right now, in order to help my family, I clean a friends house a couple times a week. I enjoy it and look forward to it (I love that we get to talk as I clean and her kids often follow me around, which I love), but every single time she pays me I feel downright guilty. I would be happy to clean for her just because I care and want to help out. I only accept the money because we really need it right now.
I will seriously work myself to the point of pure exhaustion and barely able to move. I love working hard. It makes me feel good about myself and makes me feel worthwhile. The more exhausted and sore I am, the more accomplished I feel because it means that I gave it my all. I feel like I have purpose when I am working physically hard and when I am helping people.
There is a possibility that one day I will be required to work full time for money in order to take care of my family. I dread that thought. I hope that it is a very, very long time before that is the case. In the mean time, I will work hard at helping others as often as possible.
Tuesday, January 26, 2016
Day 4- I am Flawed
I am flawed.
Yes, you read that right. I am flawed.
Seems like a strange statement to make in my blog series about figuring out who I am. It was a strange thought to have come so clearly to my mind this morning when I was contemplating what to write about today.
I am flawed.
Why would I want to dwell on this? Well, simply put- we are all flawed. We are all going to make mistakes and fall short. It is what we do when we fall short that matters. Do you wallow in despair and let yourself believe you are worthless and a failure? Do you hide from the world and not try to make things right? Or do you fix your mistake and move forward? Do you forgive yourself and remind yourself that this is how we learn in life?
I am flawed, but I'm not worthless.
It is so easy to be hard on yourself when you make a mistake. Especially if your mistake affects others. It is easy to let that mistake define who you are, but it doesn't have to. You correct the mistake, you ask for forgiveness if you hurt someone, you pick yourself back up, dust yourself off, learn from the mistake, FORGIVE yourself for not being perfect, then you move on and be a better person than you were yesterday.
I have spent so much of my life feeling like if I am not perfect in every way, that I have failed. That I have no worth. I compare myself to those around me and always fall short when I do. I spend so much energy trying to prove that I am as good as other people that I lost myself. Frankly, it doesn't matter if "Annie" always has perfect hair/makeup/and outfit, or that "Hannah" has a perfectly clean house all the time, or that "Naomi" can dance beautifully... I will never live up to my own expectations if I am trying to be like someone else. I need to find my own strengths and talents. I need to only compare myself to who I was yesterday and work hard to be better each day.
So, yes, I am flawed. And that is ok. Because I am a work in progress.
Yes, you read that right. I am flawed.
Seems like a strange statement to make in my blog series about figuring out who I am. It was a strange thought to have come so clearly to my mind this morning when I was contemplating what to write about today.
I am flawed.
Why would I want to dwell on this? Well, simply put- we are all flawed. We are all going to make mistakes and fall short. It is what we do when we fall short that matters. Do you wallow in despair and let yourself believe you are worthless and a failure? Do you hide from the world and not try to make things right? Or do you fix your mistake and move forward? Do you forgive yourself and remind yourself that this is how we learn in life?
I am flawed, but I'm not worthless.
It is so easy to be hard on yourself when you make a mistake. Especially if your mistake affects others. It is easy to let that mistake define who you are, but it doesn't have to. You correct the mistake, you ask for forgiveness if you hurt someone, you pick yourself back up, dust yourself off, learn from the mistake, FORGIVE yourself for not being perfect, then you move on and be a better person than you were yesterday.
I have spent so much of my life feeling like if I am not perfect in every way, that I have failed. That I have no worth. I compare myself to those around me and always fall short when I do. I spend so much energy trying to prove that I am as good as other people that I lost myself. Frankly, it doesn't matter if "Annie" always has perfect hair/makeup/and outfit, or that "Hannah" has a perfectly clean house all the time, or that "Naomi" can dance beautifully... I will never live up to my own expectations if I am trying to be like someone else. I need to find my own strengths and talents. I need to only compare myself to who I was yesterday and work hard to be better each day.
So, yes, I am flawed. And that is ok. Because I am a work in progress.
Sunday, January 24, 2016
Day 3- My passion
What I am the most passionate about has a lot to do with yesterdays post.
I love to sing and write music.
I started writing songs when I was around 7 years old. They weren't any good, but I still kept writing them! =)
As an adult I have written a song for each of my four kids and my husband, as well as two other songs that are Christian based. One of the neatest things that brings a great big smile to my face and melts my heart is to hear my little ones going around singing my songs while they are playing, as if they were just normal songs they heard on the radio.
My dream has been to become a singer/song writer. To actually be able to make a living off of it. I have a long way to go before that will happen, but I hope that one day I can live my dream. Once all my kids are in school and I have time to myself during the day, I would love to find some online music courses so that I can learn how to best write my music. I would also love to learn the acoustic guitar, so I can play while I sing.
As I mentioned in my last post, music truly affects me. Listening to music is very powerful, but singing it-- even more powerful. I am happiest when I sing and definitely notice a difference in my mood when I go without singing. Or maybe it is the other way around.... that it is easy to tell when I am feeling low because I am not singing. Either way, singing makes me happy.
I have been going through a difficult time for the past little while. One day recently I noticed that it had been days since I had sung at all. Even though I felt down and had no desire to sing (That tells you JUST how down I was feeling), I decided to blast my favorite songs as I showered. You can't beat singing in the shower! =) My mood definitely was lifted by doing that.
Funny thing is, I am not good at reading music....I can sort of fake my way through, but that is it. So I have a lot to learn and better start doing it now before it is too late to follow my dream.
I love to sing and write music.
I started writing songs when I was around 7 years old. They weren't any good, but I still kept writing them! =)
As an adult I have written a song for each of my four kids and my husband, as well as two other songs that are Christian based. One of the neatest things that brings a great big smile to my face and melts my heart is to hear my little ones going around singing my songs while they are playing, as if they were just normal songs they heard on the radio.
My dream has been to become a singer/song writer. To actually be able to make a living off of it. I have a long way to go before that will happen, but I hope that one day I can live my dream. Once all my kids are in school and I have time to myself during the day, I would love to find some online music courses so that I can learn how to best write my music. I would also love to learn the acoustic guitar, so I can play while I sing.
As I mentioned in my last post, music truly affects me. Listening to music is very powerful, but singing it-- even more powerful. I am happiest when I sing and definitely notice a difference in my mood when I go without singing. Or maybe it is the other way around.... that it is easy to tell when I am feeling low because I am not singing. Either way, singing makes me happy.
I have been going through a difficult time for the past little while. One day recently I noticed that it had been days since I had sung at all. Even though I felt down and had no desire to sing (That tells you JUST how down I was feeling), I decided to blast my favorite songs as I showered. You can't beat singing in the shower! =) My mood definitely was lifted by doing that.
Funny thing is, I am not good at reading music....I can sort of fake my way through, but that is it. So I have a lot to learn and better start doing it now before it is too late to follow my dream.
Saturday, January 23, 2016
Day 2- Music
Music is my life.
I think this image pretty much sums up why.
The best way I can express myself is through music. There are times when I am not even sure what feelings I am having, but music helps me to figure them out. Music also can lift me when I am feeling down.
In 2011 our really close friend (who was practically family) tragically died. It was the hardest thing I have ever gone through. I was hurting deeper than I ever knew possible. A couple days after it happened, I was driving to the store. I was sobbing and crying out to God asking him to take the pain from me. Immediately a song came on the radio. It was a song by The Afters called, "Lift Me Up."
In the short drive to and from the store, the song came on one station after another so that I heard it the entire time. Over a couple week period, every time I turned on pandora or the radio in the car, this song would come on. This song carried me through the most difficult time of my life. It helped to heal me little by little with each time that I heard it.
Music holds a lot of memories for me. This song will always take me to that time and the healing that took place. I have many, many songs that bring up all sorts of memories happy, sad, good, and bad. I just love how music can provide an outlet, can provide a way of expressing myself, can provide healing, bring back memories from when I was a kid, and help me feel joy.
I think this image pretty much sums up why.
The best way I can express myself is through music. There are times when I am not even sure what feelings I am having, but music helps me to figure them out. Music also can lift me when I am feeling down.
In 2011 our really close friend (who was practically family) tragically died. It was the hardest thing I have ever gone through. I was hurting deeper than I ever knew possible. A couple days after it happened, I was driving to the store. I was sobbing and crying out to God asking him to take the pain from me. Immediately a song came on the radio. It was a song by The Afters called, "Lift Me Up."
In the short drive to and from the store, the song came on one station after another so that I heard it the entire time. Over a couple week period, every time I turned on pandora or the radio in the car, this song would come on. This song carried me through the most difficult time of my life. It helped to heal me little by little with each time that I heard it.
Music holds a lot of memories for me. This song will always take me to that time and the healing that took place. I have many, many songs that bring up all sorts of memories happy, sad, good, and bad. I just love how music can provide an outlet, can provide a way of expressing myself, can provide healing, bring back memories from when I was a kid, and help me feel joy.
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