Day 9- Working On Being True To ME

I have always been pretty passive. It takes a lot to get me to be more aggressive (that is usually when my protective side comes out...to protect those I care about). Not that I want to be aggressive. There just isn't really much of a middle ground for me. I tend to let people boss me around and to tell me what to do. I have always been this way. Part of it is because I feel like everyone else knows better than I do and that my opinions don't matter or are wrong. So I tend to let people run my life. And because of that, I tend to feel most comfortable around strong personalities who tend to be a little (sometimes a lot) controlling. They have the strong personality that at times I wish I had and plus, when I am around them I don't have to think for myself. Which takes the pressure off of me.

Even though I feel that way, I really do hate being bossed around and am tired of being made to feel like I am wrong for my way of thinking. Therefore, this is another one of the things about me that I am working to change.

I tend to feel like I am putting others out by giving my opinion. Like tonight when my sweet sister-in-law asked what foods she can contribute to the family dinner we are hosting for my daughter's Birthday. I just said "Oh whatever you would like." Even after she specified a few of the items my daughter would like for dinner that she would be willing to bring, I basically said it was up to her what she wanted to bring. After a while of thinking about it, I thought to myself, "You are being ridiculous! She is offering to make homemade mashed potatoes for you. You know you want to tell her yes, just say it!" I finally texted her back and told her how nice it would be if she could make them.

Hmmm...that really wasn't that difficult. There wasn't any negative response to it. Why don't I do this more often??

Of course, most often the situations aren't that easy. There are plenty of times where me choosing to not be passive can offend someone or just make that person push back. The problem is that part of why I have become so lost is due to not voicing my own thoughts and running my own life. I do speak my mind most of the time with my husband and kids, but with others it is difficult. I realize, though, that I am setting a bad example for my kids.

My daughter who is about to turn 9 has followed in my footsteps. She is afraid to voice what she wants. Even just asking her what she wants for her Birthday dinner, she at first started getting excited listing food. Then she caught herself and shied away. She then turned it into, "I really don't care...whatever you want to make. What do YOU want to make?" Whenever asked an opinion or being asked about something she needs, she cowers a little. You see her shrink down and begin mumbling. She won't voice her thoughts or opinions. It makes me sad, especially since I know she learned it from watching me do the same. I have been making sure to tell her that I WANT to hear what she has to say and want to know what she needs or wants, but if I am not showing her in action how to do it then she probably won't be able to change that about herself.

Now to just figure out how to be stronger. I don't want to be bossy or controlling. I just want to be comfortable stating my wants, needs, opinions, thoughts, etc. To actually be sure of who I am. To be able to state an opinion and believe in it. Not let others so easily change my mind. There have been a couple things that I felt strongly about that someone was able to talk me into seeing it their way instead. After a few days of thinking I realized that I wasn't comfortable with it and my original opinion was what I did feel right acting upon. That person later talked me back into their way of thinking again. Same thing happened....I didn't feel right about it later on. I don't like that about myself.

I pray that on this journey of figuring out who I am, that I will get stronger and more sure of myself. That I can truly think that I am great just the way I am, even if others try to tear me down. One day I will believe that. I don't yet... But I will get there

5 Tips To Get Motivated

Some days it is just really hard to get going. Today is very much one of those days.

My 4 year old woke up because of a "sad dream" at 4 am. I had only been asleep for almost 4 hours so I just climbed into her bed so I could just go back to sleep and still have her be able to easily go back to sleep. But I don't sleep well in her bed, especially next to her- she moves constantly. So as you can imagine- I'm so very tired today that I just want to be napping.

My youngest is napping, so really I could get away with taking a nap. But then I think of all the many things that have to be done today and all the appointments and running around; and I know that this is my only chance to workout today.

After a while I was able to convince myself to get up off my bum and do the 21 Day Fix upper body workout. Doing the 30 minute workout- though exhausting and a hard workout- gave me some energy. When I was done, I wanted to burn some more calories so I got out the treadmill I bought a couple weeks ago, but hadn't actually used it.

This treadmill is a manual one that is inclined, so is a very hard workout. I lasted 10 minutes and that was with pushing it hard! I wanted to give up after only 3 minutes; which had felt like 20 haha.

My normal mindset over the years would be- I'm too tired, I'll work out tomorrow instead. Then the next day would come and I would say the same thing... It was a horrible pattern I got stuck in. I refuse to get back into that pattern again.

I have noticed this past week and a half that if I am tired and don't want to exercise, that if I just make myself get started then I will gain the energy to keep going.

If you find yourself not wanting to workout, try these tips:

#1- Start with something small- even just doing a warm-up. That should get your body and mind ready for a full workout. So don't focus on doing a 30 minute workout, just focus on a few short minutes at a time, then add another minute or 2 as you go. Soon you will be at 30!

#2- Workout with a video- I find that if I am just trying to come up with exercises to do rather than following someone's routine, then I don't do as much or work as hard.

#3- Make a list of the reason why you want to workout and refer to it as a motivator for pushing yourself to workout. (my biggest motivator is that my brother is driving over 12 hours to come do the Spartan Race with me this summer, so I HAVE to get in shape for it!)

#4- Bribe yourself!! Pick a treat that you will reward yourself with if you workout- "If I workout 30 minutes then I can sit and watch a tv show for 30 minutes." or "If I workout 3 times this week then I get to have a frozen yogurt." I am sure you can come up with some great motivators. Bribery works for kids, I think all parents are guilty of bribery to some degree haha, so why not use it on ourselves?!?! Just make sure to go for healthy rewards so that you don't undo all your hard work. (a little chocolate here and there is fine...and GOOD in my opinion haha, but not a bag full of chocolate!)

#5- Join a team that you check in with. There are so many different online resources for this. My husband and I are part of the Beach Body community. We have a coach who motivates us. There are challenges we can be a part of to win prizes and be held accountable for exercising and eating right. That has been helping both of us a lot!

Have you found something that helps get you motivated to get your workout in? Leave a comment below. I would love to hear your tips too!

I CAN Do This

A few years back, when I weighed 50 lbs more, I had friends who made rather discouraging comments. One, who considered me his best friend, actually said to me, "You just need to accept the fact that you are fat and always will be." Another "good" friend would often tell me I was fat and that she loved me anyway. My in-laws also often made comments. The one that still sticks in my mind- because it hurt the most- was when we were trying to take a family picture. I set up the camera with a timer then was going to go join them. One of them made the comment that I was too big to fit in the picture.

Comments like those hurt. They hurt bad. And they don't help at all! During the time these comments were made, my husband and I were working hard to lose weight. We had a Biggest Loser competition going on between us. We were both losing weight (definitely not as fast as the people on the show though!). No matter how hard I tried, the comments were said. And even when they weren't being said to me- they were still stuck in my mind. So I gave up. My closest friends didn't believe in me, so why try any more? I figured I would always be fat.

Their words still often come to my mind, but now instead of letting them make me crawl back into my tub of chocolate ice cream- I just tell myself, "I am going to prove them wrong!" Course I already have. I have lost 54 lbs already! I am proud of that. Sure, I am not skinny like I was back in high school, but guess what?! I wasn't healthy when I was skinny in high school! I want to be healthy and I am on my way there.

Now I have a great support group. I think that is why this time I will stick with it. I have done 30 minutes or more of exercise every day this week (Monday through Saturday) and I WILL keep going.

If you are on your journey to getting healthy, make sure that you have a good support group and do your best to tune out the ones who will put you down and make you feel less than you are. Because YOU are amazing. YOU are capable of getting healthy. And YOU are worth the time and effort! I truly believe that about you.

Setting A Good Example

I think one of the best things about taking charge of my health is the example it sets to my kids. We have a lot of health problems on both my side and my husband's side of the family. So to show our kids how to grow up making healthy choices will hopefully help them not end up with diabetes or heart disease (which run in our family).

I love that my 3 year old son begs for salad. He absolutely LOVES it. There have been nights where I didn't put a salad out with dinner and he got upset and said, "Want salad!" I love that my 4 year old will ask if she can have a healthy treat and that my 8 year old asks to exercise with us. Our 13 year old is wanting me to start jogging with her and she wants to do the Spartan Race with me this summer.

Last night, my hubby and I did our 21 Day Fix workout (we were on the pilates one....but really should've been called "intense ab workout"!). Our 8 year old daughter ended up joining in. Then once the 30 minute workout was over, she begged to do another one! We were hurting so bad. Our abs were on fire! But how could I turn down my daughter who wanted to do something good for her body? So we did the 10 min Ab Fix.... OW! Over 400 sit ups later... our abs were even MORE on fire! She asked to do more, but it was close to 10 pm and I really don't think my body could've done any more haha. But she got up this morning and worked out with her dad again and she can't wait for tomorrow since she has no school and can workout with me.

I love that my kids are getting excited about working out. I love that they are noticing our food changes and asking questions about it and asking if they can eat the way we are. I told my 8 year old she can eat the 21 Day Fix diet if she wants BUT she doesn't need to measure because she should eat what her body is telling her to. I don't want her to feel she needs to restrict her intake right now; just listen to her body. And that she doesn't need to diet, but eating healthy foods is a good idea.

As a parent, it is so important to set a good example to our kids. Afterall, where else are they going to learn good habits?

I Was Craving Jogging..... WHAT?!?!?!

I don't know what to do with all of this new-found energy! Today I just had so much energy pent up inside that I went to a local state park and jogged almost 2 miles on a very hilly path through the woods. I am not a runner. I normally am not even a jogger. But today I was seriously craving a jog.

It was so beautiful out and peaceful. I listened to music, breathed in the fresh air, and pushed my body to it's limit. And it felt GOOD! I am not even sure how to process this haha! This isn't the me I've known for 33 years. This isn't the me that I was even a few days ago. This commitment to a healthier me has really changed a lot in such a short time.

I am eating healthier, I am exercising no matter how badly I don't want to, I am focused on bettering myself. The results so far in just a few short days? I am happier. I had been trying to get out of a depression funk for months. I am finally out of it. I am already feeling more confident in myself and having self esteem. I have gone my whole life with barely ever feeling good about myself and I feel better about myself right now than I ever have before. I feel good. And saying it makes me feel even better!

I am even seeing physical changes already too. Which is just crazy.

All it takes it making a choice. Not a doing something because your doctor told you to, your spouse told you to, a friend told you to... But because YOU decided in your heart, mind, and soul that you want to be a better you. Every time I have tried to get healthier, it was half-hearted. This time my whole heart is in it. It helps that I have a support system to help me, but I am not doing FOR them, I am doing it for ME. For the first time in a long time, I am excited about life and the future.

Day 3- Things Are Looking Up

When I woke up today, I didn't want to move. My muscles were tense and sore and I again, figured staying in bed would be nice. But I had scheduled a chiropractor appointment this morning, so had to get up. Once I started moving, my body felt a little better, but still very sore. I couldn't imagine getting through my exercise routine today.

At my appointment, my chiropractor told me of a supplement (creatine monohydrate) that he uses to lessen the affects of the sore muscles. So after I finished my appointment I went and bought some. I wasn't about to try and do my workout for the day without it! :) I got home and mixed it in with my Shakeology for my breakfast then soon after I started my workout.

My husband and I decided to do the workout together today since he has the day off. I am sure we looked absolutely ridiculous... two adults struggling to do the moves the "correct" way, moaning and groaning as we do the simpler/modified versions. We seriously both made pained sounds throughout. There were times I actually collapsed onto the mat during the 20 second rest periods and really didn't want to get back up. Of course my friend's pug (we are dog-sitting today) thought that was great and came over to nuzzle her nose into my face/neck. Then she and our dog fought for our attention as we were exercising! Are you envisioning this? If you are, then I hope you are enjoying a good laugh! :)

On today's workout, the quote they had written on the chalkboard said,

" If you're tired of starting over, stop giving up!"

I thought about how many times I have started an exercise program, only to give up a few days in because the pain was too much. If I just push through then I can get past the pain, strengthen my body, and not have to go through the excruciating pain part again! This time I am sticking with it. I have my husband and friend who are my "coaches" to keep me going and keep me accountable. They encourage me and help me through the hard parts. I think that is why this time I won't give up- this time I am not just relying on myself, but having encouragement to help me through.

I hope that through sharing my struggles and how I worked through them, that maybe I can help others who are going through it too. Taking control of your health is important. I am 33 and just starting to finally realize how important it truly is.

Also, cute dogs and laughs are important so I made this :)

A Little About My Journey Thus Far

For my first post, I want to share a bit about me.

I am 33 years old, married and have 4 kids (ages 13, 8, 4, and 3). That is the me now.... but I would like to go back a little further...hope that I don't bore you!

My whole life I was thin. I was actually teased in high school for being so skinny. I had girls tell me, "you are so skinny you make me sick." How nice, right? I could eat anything and everything (and I did) and not gain a pound. I remember working at Burger King and my manager would let me eat whatever I wanted. In one shift I would eat a whole basket of chicken tenders, a basket of onion rings, a couple of whopper jr's, french toast sticks, tons of sugary soda... It was sickening really.

Then when I was pregnant with my first child I finally gained weight.... a LOT of weight. I went from 110 lbs to 185 lbs! After she was born, I stayed around 150. It took a couple years, but I finally got back down to the 120's. I felt pretty good and actually confident about my body. Then I had my 2nd child. After she was born, I worked so hard to get healthy. My husband and I joined a gym and I worked out 2 hours a day, 6 days a week. I ate only 1500 calories a day. I was doing more for my health than I ever had before. But I gained weight. A LOT of weight.

This is me in 2008 (my 2nd child was 1 1/2 years old). BIG difference right? Yes, pun was intended ;)

It turned out that my thyroid was all out of whack so it didn't matter what I was doing, I just kept gaining weight. It took a little while to get my thyroid under control and I slowly lost some of the weight. In the picture above, I was at my very heaviest weight- 210 lbs.

I have since had 2 more kids. My youngest just turned 3 and I am still trying to finish losing the weight I gained back in 2007. I am down to about 158 right now. I hadn't been this weight in about 7 years. I still would like to lose some more weight, but more importantly- I want to get healthy. Health isn't just about what the scale says. Health encompasses physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well being. I want to be healthy in all aspects.

There is much more about me and how I got to where I am now, but I will save it for another time. I hope that as I share my struggles and successes that it may help others in their journey. I know that doing this blog will also benefit me. It will keep me concentrating on my health more. I hope you will join me on my journey!