Stupid Mistake

This morning I was doing good, getting things done, felt pretty good. I drank my Shakeology and put my son down for his nap. I was all pumped to go work out so started to head to the living room....when I stepped right on a toy, which slid across the linoleum; my foot went with it. My leg twisted and my body fell to the ground. I hit my ankle, hip and wrist on the floor, plus was in pain up my leg from twisting. As soon as it happened and I felt the pain, my first thought was, "DANGIT!!! How am I going to workout now?!?!" Which is funny since I really don't enjoy working out... but I love how I feel afterwards so was very disappointed.

After a few minutes of my 4 year old daughter comforting me and making sure I was ok, I was able to get up and hobble to my room to lay down.

Very quickly the disappointment of not getting to workout really got to me. After laying down working on things on my computer for a while, I found some hidden gummy candies and ate them- because that is my stupid habit that I fall back on when I am upset.

BIG MISTAKE!

I haven't had dyes in a long time and I have barely had any sugar during this 21 day fix (just a little bit of chocolate), so my body got angry at me. I got a massive headache and felt sick. This happened within about 10 minutes of eating it. I felt very sluggish and irritable too.

Goes to show how bad junk food is for my body and mind! It was so not worth it. I am still feeling the effects hours later. I would much rather eat healthy snacks and feel good than to feel this way again. I would much rather eat my healthy chocolate! (click here for the post with the recipe)

Although my mistake was stupid, I have learned from it. And isn't that what matters the most? :)

What Is Holding You Back?

We all have a reason for not being fit and healthy. Every single one of us.

Not everyone has the same reasons. The reasons can vary quite a bit. But we all have our reasons.

The important thing is to not let our reasons be an excuse! Because no matter what, there are things we can do to be healthier.

I have struggled with quite a few reasons and find that as I work on pushing aside my excuses that I find new ones. I have never really liked to exercise. As a teen I struggled with knee pain and asthma. I was already very skinny, so why exercise? It didn't matter what I ate, I still wouldn't gain anything; so why eat healthy? I didn't get a good routine set up then and it is much harder now that I am very set in my ways.

I LOVE donuts, cake, chocolate, cookies...Like I would be happy eating them for every meal and snack. I am addicted. They emotionally make me feel "better." I have always felt crummy after eating them, but my brain was happy and so I kept eating them. Addiction to junk food- my first main reason.

Figuring out that I am quite gluten intolerant forced me to change that. It is a lot more expensive to buy pre-made gluten free junk food. And making them was time consuming and I couldn't do it without my kids knowing; which meant that I would have to share! haha So I slowly phased out a lot of that food.

Ok, now I don't have that excuse... so why do I fight being fit and healthy?

I won't bore you with each and every thing that has arisen, but the most recent one that I have realized, which I think is the root of it, is this:

I don't feel worthy of having self esteem.

If I feel good physically, am strong, have a great body from working out, great skin from eating healthy....then the natural thing would be to feel good about myself and my looks- therefore having self esteem. I have never felt worthy of that. I have many past memories of my looks being made fun of embedded into my mind. So whenever I have felt like I look good I will hear those voices telling me I am ugly, my chin is too big, my nose is huge, etc. I hear a voice saying, "How can YOU have self esteem?? You are too ugly to have self esteem!"

And this is where I am stuck. In this horrible mindset. I am afraid of looking good. I am terrified of actually thinking that I look good. And this is a crummy place to be stuck.

Am I going to let this hold me back anymore?! NO! Ok...so on the inside I am really doubting my abilities to fight this mindset... But I think the first step is to recognize what I need to work on- check! Next thing to do is to fake it till I believe it- check! I am going to say I won't let it get in my way any more. Then I will remind myself of it again in a few minutes...and then again and again until I do finally believe I am strong enough AND WORTH IT to believe I deserve self esteem. I have to do this. For me, for my husband, and for my kids. They deserve the best me that I can possibly be. And until I feel good about myself, I can't be my best.

What is holding you back? It is time to peel back the layers and work on them one by one until you finally allow yourself to get healthy!

5 Tips To Get Motivated

Some days it is just really hard to get going. Today is very much one of those days.

My 4 year old woke up because of a "sad dream" at 4 am. I had only been asleep for almost 4 hours so I just climbed into her bed so I could just go back to sleep and still have her be able to easily go back to sleep. But I don't sleep well in her bed, especially next to her- she moves constantly. So as you can imagine- I'm so very tired today that I just want to be napping.

My youngest is napping, so really I could get away with taking a nap. But then I think of all the many things that have to be done today and all the appointments and running around; and I know that this is my only chance to workout today.

After a while I was able to convince myself to get up off my bum and do the 21 Day Fix upper body workout. Doing the 30 minute workout- though exhausting and a hard workout- gave me some energy. When I was done, I wanted to burn some more calories so I got out the treadmill I bought a couple weeks ago, but hadn't actually used it.

This treadmill is a manual one that is inclined, so is a very hard workout. I lasted 10 minutes and that was with pushing it hard! I wanted to give up after only 3 minutes; which had felt like 20 haha.

My normal mindset over the years would be- I'm too tired, I'll work out tomorrow instead. Then the next day would come and I would say the same thing... It was a horrible pattern I got stuck in. I refuse to get back into that pattern again.

I have noticed this past week and a half that if I am tired and don't want to exercise, that if I just make myself get started then I will gain the energy to keep going.

If you find yourself not wanting to workout, try these tips:

#1- Start with something small- even just doing a warm-up. That should get your body and mind ready for a full workout. So don't focus on doing a 30 minute workout, just focus on a few short minutes at a time, then add another minute or 2 as you go. Soon you will be at 30!

#2- Workout with a video- I find that if I am just trying to come up with exercises to do rather than following someone's routine, then I don't do as much or work as hard.

#3- Make a list of the reason why you want to workout and refer to it as a motivator for pushing yourself to workout. (my biggest motivator is that my brother is driving over 12 hours to come do the Spartan Race with me this summer, so I HAVE to get in shape for it!)

#4- Bribe yourself!! Pick a treat that you will reward yourself with if you workout- "If I workout 30 minutes then I can sit and watch a tv show for 30 minutes." or "If I workout 3 times this week then I get to have a frozen yogurt." I am sure you can come up with some great motivators. Bribery works for kids, I think all parents are guilty of bribery to some degree haha, so why not use it on ourselves?!?! Just make sure to go for healthy rewards so that you don't undo all your hard work. (a little chocolate here and there is fine...and GOOD in my opinion haha, but not a bag full of chocolate!)

#5- Join a team that you check in with. There are so many different online resources for this. My husband and I are part of the Beach Body community. We have a coach who motivates us. There are challenges we can be a part of to win prizes and be held accountable for exercising and eating right. That has been helping both of us a lot!

Have you found something that helps get you motivated to get your workout in? Leave a comment below. I would love to hear your tips too!

I CAN Do This

A few years back, when I weighed 50 lbs more, I had friends who made rather discouraging comments. One, who considered me his best friend, actually said to me, "You just need to accept the fact that you are fat and always will be." Another "good" friend would often tell me I was fat and that she loved me anyway. My in-laws also often made comments. The one that still sticks in my mind- because it hurt the most- was when we were trying to take a family picture. I set up the camera with a timer then was going to go join them. One of them made the comment that I was too big to fit in the picture.

Comments like those hurt. They hurt bad. And they don't help at all! During the time these comments were made, my husband and I were working hard to lose weight. We had a Biggest Loser competition going on between us. We were both losing weight (definitely not as fast as the people on the show though!). No matter how hard I tried, the comments were said. And even when they weren't being said to me- they were still stuck in my mind. So I gave up. My closest friends didn't believe in me, so why try any more? I figured I would always be fat.

Their words still often come to my mind, but now instead of letting them make me crawl back into my tub of chocolate ice cream- I just tell myself, "I am going to prove them wrong!" Course I already have. I have lost 54 lbs already! I am proud of that. Sure, I am not skinny like I was back in high school, but guess what?! I wasn't healthy when I was skinny in high school! I want to be healthy and I am on my way there.

Now I have a great support group. I think that is why this time I will stick with it. I have done 30 minutes or more of exercise every day this week (Monday through Saturday) and I WILL keep going.

If you are on your journey to getting healthy, make sure that you have a good support group and do your best to tune out the ones who will put you down and make you feel less than you are. Because YOU are amazing. YOU are capable of getting healthy. And YOU are worth the time and effort! I truly believe that about you.

Day 1- 21 Day Fix

I bought the PiYo challenge pack and my husband bought the 21 Day Fix challenge pack. I was planning on just alternating between both of our exercise programs and not really do a whole lot food wise, except make healthier choices. My husband and friend (who are my coaches on BeachBody) have been encouraging me to start the 21 Day Fix- exercise AND food. I really, really, REALLY didn't want to do the food part.

Let me explain why...

I struggle with fatigue and so the thought of putting much effort into what I eat is just overwhelming! To measure things out in the containers that come with the kit (it comes with color coded containers. Each color is a different food group. You figure out by your weight how many of each you can eat each day) and only be able to eat a certain amount of each container each day, just doesn't appeal to my tired brain. I already have enough on my plate of taking care of my 4 kids and the house AND fitting in a workout each day.

BUT today I decided that I am going to give it a try. WHY?? I am asking myself the same question! HAHA!

Ok, so the reason I am doing it is because I want to feel better and I want to learn portion control. It helps me get the correct amount of nutrients and amounts of food. I don't have to count calories (although I am going to for the first couple days just so I can convince my brain that I am indeed getting enough food into my body), just fill containers.

My breakfast was chocolate Shakeology with 8 oz of unsweetened almond milk and a small banana. That left me feeling full and gave me the energy to do my workout.

My lunch was 2 corn tortillas, 3 oz of chicken, and then I filled the green container with a mix of romain lettuce and grape tomatoes, with Tabasco sauce (thank goodness for unlimited hot sauce being allowed!!). It was very yummy, but I will admit it is less than I am used to eating for lunch. Normally I will eat 4 tacos with meat or beans, cheese, lettuce, tomato, and hot sauce. So cutting it down is going to be an adjustment.

Looks yummy right?!


I had already made the mind change that I wanted to eat healthier foods and cut out sugar, so that makes this a bit easier. It is the portion control that will be hardest. Like I mentioned in my first post- I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted and not gain anything. I still haven't been able to change that mind set! That is why me doing the 21 day fix is so important. It will train my body and mind to eat the correct portions.

Now onto the exercise... (I plugged my kids in... one on my phone and one on the computer, so that I could exercise in the morning rather than after they go to bed tonight)

OH MY GOODNESS!!! Day 1 kicked my behind! I am insanely out of shape. I had a big surgery back in December and wasn't allowed to lift anything at all for 8 weeks after and then for several more weeks I was only supposed to lift 15 pounds. I lost what little muscle I had and what little strength I had, so my body is weak beyond weak. I started out being able to copy the exercise moves exactly, but after about 5 or 6 minutes my body was exhausted. I had to do the modified moves, but I kept my body moving no matter how hard.

I used to give up if I couldn't keep up with an exercise video, but today I didn't. Because it is ok if I can't keep up. It is ok that it is too hard. That doesn't make me a failure! What would make me a failure is if I just gave up and didn't try. So I pushed through. I was sweating, my heart was racing, and my muscles were burning. At a couple parts my feet even started going numb. I made it through the 30 minute workout. And tomorrow I will be a tiny stronger and be able to do a tiny bit better. As I continue to do this each day (with the exception of Sunday...because that is my day of rest), I will get stronger and be able to eventually stop doing the modified versions.

Here is the crazy thing. After my workout was over, I sat down for a few minutes. After the brief rest, I had energy! I feel like running around and getting stuff done. I actually feel really good! Before I exercised I was tired and had to convince myself to do it. It truly is worth pushing yourself to exercise. It really will give you the boost you need.

Will Power Shmill-power

I have struggled for years with actually sticking to a healthier diet. I would try really hard to eat healthy and all that lead to was me sneaking junk food. I would go grocery shopping and buy donuts, which I would scarf on my way home and then hide the evidence. I would buy several different kinds of candy and hide them in my room so that whenever I was stressed (which happened more than once a day), I would hide out in my bedroom closet and eat a whole bunch.

Mentally, I would feel satisfied. Physically, I would feel like crap. I would then feel down that I ate it and that would make me feel like indulging even more. It was a vicious cycle. I would crave carbs and sugar like no other. I would get irritable if I didn't eat it. It is like a drug! I seriously calm down as I am eating the junk, even though it physically made me feel miserable. (the image that goes through my mind is like on movies or tv shows when someone shoots up some drugs...the look on their face as their eyes roll back, content with the high...that is me when I bite into chocolate...or whatever sugary carb sweet I am craving!)

I have struggled for years with pain in my bones/joints in my hands, legs, feet. I have also struggled with brain fog and major fatigue. A neurologist ran every test and couldn't figure out why these symptoms were happening. So of course I got the age old, "Your symptoms are due to depression" reasoning. Really? Was it that way? Or was it that I am depressed because of my pain, brain fog, and fatigue???

Shortly after seeing the neurologist, I saw a chiropractor who is also a friend. He suggested going off of gluten because in some people, gluten can cause inflammation. I had tried in the past and it was just too hard (even though I have 2 kids who are gluten free so already was cooking that way). But he said something that clicked, "Do you want to eat something that tastes REALLY good and feel like crap afterward? Or do you want to feel better?!" He then said that he doesn't believe in will power. It has to be an actual change of mind because it is too easy to give in when you are just trying to have will power.

I thought a lot about what he said. Did I want to eat whatever I wanted and feel like crap? Or did I want to feel better? I decided right then and there that I truly wanted to feel better. I stopped eating gluten and haven't gone back. That was almost a year ago. My pain has gone away and only come back if I am contaminated. My migraines are gone and my brain is working better (but my sleep deprivation is affecting that right now!).

I am not writing this to say that you should all go gluten free. My point is that YOU have to change your thinking and CHOOSE that you want to feel better before you will be able to stick with anything. Do you want to feel better??

I am still struggling with some things. I still was eating ice cream on occasion and chocolate, cupcakes whenever I got the chance... I noticed I felt worse after eating them. This week I made the decision that I am going to cut way back on my sugar intake. I haven't even had any this week except for honey!! Yay me!

But how am I doing that when the cravings have always been so strong? I found a healthy substitute.

This is a homemade chocolate that is actually good for you (with a strawberry dipped in it)! I love it. I actually feel good after eating it and satisfied.
All you do is melt coconut oil and put it in a blender with an equal amount of cocoa powder. Then add honey to sweeten. (Do not try to use any non-liquid sweetener...I tried xylitol and sugar and it was awful. It separates and is nasty!) After it is blended well, you can pour it over nuts or just by itself onto wax paper or parchment paper. Then put in the fridge or freezer to harden. At times I have added peanut butter to it. My parents and brother have said it is really good with nuts mixed in, I will be trying that way next. It is also amazing for dipping strawberries in! I have also sliced bananas up and froze the slices, then dipped in the chocolate. It instantly hardens. Just make sure whatever type you make- you store it in the fridge or freezer because coconut oil melts easily. (With the peanut butter one, I poured it onto parchment paper on a big cookie sheet. After it hardened, I cut it with a knife into smaller chunks, then am storing it in a baggy in the fridge)

Coconut oil has countless benefits, so it is a guilt free treat. I found that it is so satiating due to the coconut oil, that I don't feel the need to eat as much as I would normal chocolate.

I have made my choice that I want to feel better and keep adding to it. For me, it was too overwhelming to cut all my food vices out at one time so am slowly phasing them out. But at least I am moving in the right direction. I want to have energy. I want to feel good. I want to be a healthy momma! Plus, I told my brother I would do the Spartan Race with him this year so need to get my body ready for that!

Are you ready to feel better??