Let's Talk About Anxiety...

I originally started this blog as a weightloss journey. I planned to update about my progress of weight and inches lost, my physical progress, exercise tips, and recipe ideas. I quickly realized that focusing on just the physical wasn't going to get me where I need to go. The name of my blog is "Journey to a Healthy Momma". I know I've mentioned before that health is physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. But I still kept focusing only on looks. My goal (although I told myself was about a healthy body) was to look good. I have been so insecure about my body for years and I wanted to finally feel good about it. Feel like my husband won't be embarrassed to admit he is married to me...

Due to focusing on only this aspect, I lost myself. I didn't take time to focus on my deeper issues that led to me being unhealthy. Plus, after completing the Spartan race, I just stopped exercising and focusing on eating healthy. I have stopped working on being a healthy mom.

One thing I really want to address is something that I believe plagues a lot of people. That is anxiety and the affect it can have on your health.

I struggle with anxiety. I have general anxiety as well as social anxiety. For a while my anxiety wasn't very bad, but since I haven't been taking care of myself it is through the roof. People who haven't suffered anxiety often don't understand and think you can just take anti-anxiety medication and "get over it." It is not that simple.

Imagine walking into a room full of the snobbiest people in the world. You are in the middle of the room and they are all looking at you. You suddenly realize that you are naked. They are staring, sneering, making horrible comments. They snub their noses at you and make faces of disgust. They are judging every part of you. Your stomach is too flabby, your legs are too skinny, you are too hairy, etc. They pick at every part of how you look and use it to pass judgement of WHO you are. Your heart is beating fast, you don't want to look into anyone's eyes, you just want to run and find a safe place to hide.

That is social anxiety. Sure, when I go to the store I am not standing there naked in front of snobby people. But I may as well be. Because the way you would feel in the above scenario is how someone with social anxiety feels nearly all the time.

When I talk to people, I am constantly thinking that I sound like a complete idiot. I believe they are bored of anything I have to say and what I have to say is unimportant. People who don't respond when I talk, or are looking at their phone instead of me when we are talking just make this feeling worse. So in my mind I crawl into my safe place and stop talking. I prefer to just be home in my safe place, but even there I have anxiety that my family thinks I am just an idiot and not worth their time.

The anxiety may not be there all the time. At times I will actually feel comfortable and enjoy being around people. I never know which version of me is going to be present so that gives me anxiety about planning ahead for social gatherings. Because I don't know how I will be feeling in that future time.

There is a lot more to social anxiety. Hopefully that brief insight will help those who don't understand, be able to understand it.

Anxiety is draining. Physically, emotionally, mentally draining. It is draining for the person who has the anxiety AND for those close to that person. It can affect marriages and friendships. People can become overwhelmed by dealing with someone who has anxiety. And those of us with anxiety are fully aware of that (unfortunately, that makes the anxiety worse...because we are constantly worried that we are too much for our spouse, family, or close friends).

So what can you do if someone you love and/or care about has anxiety? The answer isn't a simple cut and dry answer. I have a blanket answer: just be there for them. That can mean something different at different times.
*It could mean be there to listen to them when they need to talk (TRULY listen AND hear what they have to say).
*It could be sitting silently together just looking off into the distance.
*Or maybe it could be that you talk about whatever is going on in your life to help take the person's mind off their own life (you talk, they listen and don't need to come up with responses).
*At times a hug is needed.
*Sending a text out of the blue to see how they are doing or let them know you are thinking of them (trust me, this one can truly help!).
*Ask how they are doing and actually want to hear the answer (instead of wanting to hear the typical "I'm good" that everyone says even when they aren't good...dig deeper, show you care).

Having any kind of relationship with someone with anxiety can take work, but hopefully you can see it is worth it. Because I am not my anxiety. I have so much more to me than just having anxiety. That goes for anyone who has anxiety. Hopefully people can see past the anxiety and see the great people that are hiding behind it.

There are times when the only way to change the way your life is going is to do it yourself and there are times when you need others to help lift you up (sometimes carry you....or drag you...) until you are strong enough to do it for yourself. It can be a roller coaster ride at times, but with the right support system you can do anything.

My Struggles With Self Esteem

Today my oldest child started high school. (CRAZY!!!!) She is so scared to start high school. Girls were cruel enough in middle school and she is afraid of how they will treat her in high school. I don't get why girls are so cruel to each other... She has such low self esteem and the girls just tear her down even more. So we had a heart to heart last night.

As we talked, I opened up about what I went through in high school and what advice I have due to my experiences. I told her of the importance of self esteem because when you have low self esteem you often fall into making choices that aren't the greatest. We talked about how self esteem can't come from others and what a dangerous trap it is to rely on others words and opinions to either make or break your self esteem. One thing we talked about for how to build self esteem is affirmations. That if you are constantly telling yourself when you look in the mirror that you are fat or ugly, then that is all you will see when you look in the mirror- if even you lose weight or change things about how you look. But if you change that and tell yourself good things, then you will be able to start believing in yourself.

I shared with her the struggles that I had as a teen... (I omitted some parts when talking to her, but wanted to share the full story here)

At 16 I became anorexic. Partly because I thought I was fat and partly because I literally wanted to disappear. I was 5 ft 7 inches and only 85 lbs. I was a skeleton. Food was the enemy. I don't remember the exact length of time I was anorexic, but it was quite a while. I remember what ended it though. I don't think my parents knew what to do to help me. So one day my dad took me to the store with him. He said we weren't leaving until I filled the cart up with food that I would eat. It was very difficult for me to do, but I wasn't one to tell my dad no or disrespect him. So I reluctantly obliged him. I didn't want to waste his money once the food was bought so I ate that day. I felt so fat. So fat that I made myself sick and went into the bathroom and threw it up. I HATE HATE HATE throwing up!!! I have always had a fear of it. Thankfully I had a fear of throwing up because the bulimia attempt only lasted that day. And since I didn't want to disrespect my dad, I ate each day. Maybe not as much as I should've, but I did eat something at least.

That wasn't the end of my struggles though. I may have started eating, but my food issues didn't go away. Since then I have gone on bouts of binge eating and bouts of not eating. I struggle to find a healthy balance. I know I haven't been able to control myself with foods I love. I overeat all the time. So that makes me struggle with eating at all. There are times that I realize halfway through the day that I haven't eaten. Or nap time comes and I go hide in my room to get my "sanity time" which involves a tv show while I overeat on chocolate, chips, ice cream, junk, junk, junk! It is a horrible battle.

This all started due to low self esteem. Due to feeling like I was the loser, ugly, fat girl. My friend wore size 0 pants and I was a size 5 because of my hips, so that made me fat in my eyes. I still struggle with self esteem. I tell myself that when I lose weight and tone my body that I will be pretty, but I honestly don't believe that... Because I have been skinny and definitely saw ugly when I looked in the mirror.

I explained to my daughter that it is important to feel good about who you are and what you look like in the moment and not live in the "I will be pretty when..." Once you have been telling yourself that you are fat and ugly, that thought process doesn't actually just go away overnight once you get thin or once your acne clears up. You already believe the negative about yourself and the only way to get rid of the negative thought is to change the thought, not change your appearance. Sure doing your hair or wearing makeup can make you feel good about yourself, but it doesn't last. It is temporary if you don't have actual self esteem. Those that feel good about themselves and are confident in who they are have this different air about them. And they are good looking people! Whether or not they are the "world's" definition of good looking, they truly are beautiful/handsome.

I realized I need to follow my own advice. The saying, "The grass is always greener on the other side" definitely applies to how we feel about ourselves also. It is important to be kind to ourselves. To find things we love about ourselves and to quit negative talk! It is time to look in the mirror and say LOVING things, not HATEFUL. It is ok to love yourself. It really is. It is ok to have self esteem (This is one thing I am struggling to believe, but know that I need to!).

So my goal is to set a better example for my kids. To gain self esteem. Feel good about who I am and how I look. I think that is just as important as making sure to lift up my kids self esteem. If I model what healthy self esteem looks like (let's be honest...those who are egotistical don't have a healthy self esteem! Arrogance is NOT attractive.) then my kids will know how to feel good about themselves and that it is ok to feel good about themselves.

So I will be making a list of affirmations about myself that I will say daily. Not just for myself, but because if I have self esteem it affects my kids, my husband, my marriage, and those around me. And darnit, I deserve to feel good about myself for once!

I encourage you to do the same. Write down affirmations- positive things about you. Then look in the mirror every day as you say them to yourself. I know it works. When I was around 10 years old my sister was upset that I kept saying how ugly I was. So she made me promise that every single time I saw a mirror or anything I could see my reflection in, that I would stop, look at myself, and tell myself I was beautiful. I did it and I did start feeling good about myself and felt happier. (I stopped because she made me mad....so to punish her I stopped the affirmations... the things kids do when mad *sigh*)

So please do it. I will too.

Truth About The 21 Day Fix

Beach Body's 21 Day Fix touts that you can lose weight fast in 21 days by following the program. You get color coded containers that portion your food and help you to know how much of each type of food to eat. You also get an exercise program that has 7 different days of workouts (plus a 10 min ab workout); you do one each day of the week.

(below is a picture of what you get with the challenge pack. The Shakeology is a great whole food meal replacement protein shake that gives you energy, cuts down the cravings, and helps flatten your tummy... I will write another blog later to go more in depth about it.)

Sounds like a great gimmick, right? For some it draws them in... "I need to lose weight fast, this sounds great!" And to others it turns them off, "I hate quick fix diets...they aren't healthy and aren't long term."

I want to address these thoughts and talk about what the purpose of this program really is.

Ok...yes, it partly is a gimmick in a way. Who doesn't want to have a quick fix for their weight!?!? It takes so much time and effort to lose weight that the title really is a draw. And you really do lose weight and dramatic inches in the 21 days.

But is it healthy? Is it the right way to go?

It is said that it takes 21 days to form a habit. So as you are consistently working out each day and having portion control with your food (and the right types of food), you are actually retraining your brain and forming a habit. So although it is played off as a quick fix, it is actually the beginning of a lifestyle change.

For someone who either never works out or rarely works out, the 21 Day Fix is a great start. It helps you get into a routine. And by having it in your mind that you WILL do ALL 21 days and follow it to a T those 3 weeks, it is much easier to start doing. Then once you get to day 21 and realize you are done, you already have formed the habit, you have seen the results, you feel so much better, and so much stronger that you want to make eating healthy and exercising a part of your daily life. And Beach Body has a lot of other great exercise programs that you can do once you are tired of doing the ones in the 21 Day Fix. (You can also pay for Beach Body on Demand so that you can access many different programs!)

I was hesitant to do the 21 Day Fix, but I was really glad that I did it. I am almost to my goal weight and am stronger than I was before (I completed the Spartan Race, so that is proof enough for me that this program helped me get stronger!) I am planning on doing it again because I have gotten out of the habit of exercising since I hurt my knee at the end of May. I need to re-form my habit!!

So do I recommend it? Yes I do! Not just because my husband and I are Beach Body coaches, but because we have both done this program and love it. We both have seen great results and believe in this program whole heartedly. My husband is unable to do intense cardio because of having a pacemaker, but he is able to do the exercises (there is a person showing you how to modify if needed).

If you have any questions, feel free to contact me at journeytoahealthymomma@gmail.com
Also, visit our coach page and check out what Beach Body has to offer by clicking here

I am more than happy to help you reach your fitness goals.

I am Spartan! Aroo!

Last Saturday I completed my first Spartan. My brother, his son, my daughter and I all got free races for volunteering so we raced during the volunteer heat (the last one of the day). We were literally the very last people doing the race....and were the very last people on the course for a long time. We ended up passing quite a few people once we got past the dreaded hills.

I will be honest...I was scared of doing the race. I was scared I wouldn't be able to physically finish it. I figured I would end up doing many, many, many burpees (you have to do 30 burpees for each obstacle you don't finish). There were 23 obstacles and I only had to do burpees for one. The last obstacle before the finish line; the rope climb.

Here is me doing my burpees... haha



The race stared out going up a very steep hill. We decided that we would run up it because we figured one of our spouses was videoing us so wanted to look good. Once we were out of their sight I had to slow down because my tachycardia kicked in and so did my arrhythmia. The first part of the race (a huge part of the race) was a lot of steep hills. We went to the top of a small mountain. I slowed down, but kept going. I finally got my tachycardia to slow down, but then I started getting calf cramps. I had to stop and stretch my calves out, but kept going.

I kept pushing myself. It felt good. I was determined that no matter what, I was going to finish. Thankfully they encouraged team work. So on some obstacles we helped each other. The ones I needed help with were things like the monkey bars because I just didn't have the upper body strength to hold myself up that long.

We got to the barbed wire crawl. This race is done on a motocross course. The barbed wire crawl was done on the "whoops jumps" area. So was a series of mini hills in a row for about 50 yards. It is muddy and long. It wasn't easy to crawl/roll under the barbed wire. My arms are pretty bruised up from it! But what really made it hard for me was that both my calves seized up. The cramp in each calf went from my ankles up almost to my knees. Solid, hard as a rock, cramps. It was incredibly painful! I kept trying to crawl through the pain and it just kept getting worse.



I finally decided to try one of the honey energy gel packs I brought that happened to have some potassium. Thankfully that wiped out the cramp! I was able to finish the crawl and move on to carrying a bucket of rocks up a steep hill. (side note hint: one of the workers told me that to prevent calf cramps in a race like that to take a couple Midol pills before the race. He swears by it!)

My daughter hit her shoulder blade real hard during the barbed wire crawl so was struggling to do much. I had her take a bunch of her rocks and add them to my bucket. It was so heavy and hard to carry since there wasn't a handle. It took us a while, but we were able to complete that challenge (course on the way down the hill, I slipped and fell... hit my bum hard on a large rock and spilled my bucket everywhere. Had to pick up as many rocks as I could and continue on)



After we got done with carrying the buckets of rocks up and down a hill, we had to climb up an insanely muddy hill! It was hard, but pretty fun too. I don't know why, but I do love challenges like that.



Completing this race is a very proud moment for me. I get to check it off my bucket list! :) It was challenging and I didn't give up. I pushed through the pain, I pushed through the challenges, and I did it. It may have taken me 3 hours and 43 minutes to complete, but what matter is that I did finish! I may be bruised...

....But I came out feeling better about myself and my abilities.

It is worth it to push past fears and challenge yourself to complete something you never thought was possible!

3rd Race This Year

When I was a kid I did a race called the Spit Run up in Homer, Alaska. I barely made it. It was pretty long. I think I was around 10 when I did it. That was the only race I had ever done. Then this year happened.

I did a 5k in April with my husband and 4 kids. It was pretty fun and easy. I didn't run because I stayed with my husband (he has a pacemaker and cannot run because it could set off the pacemaker) and was pushing my 2 toddlers in the huge double stroller; also they would get out every once in a while and walk it. Honestly, I wouldn't have actually run though, I don't run... :)

Then in May I did my very first obstacle race. It was so fun! It made the plain ol' 5k seem very boring. I realized just how much I prefer the challenge.

Tomorrow is my first Spartan race.... My brother is on his way from Utah. He, his son, my oldest daughter, and I will be doing the race. My brother has done many (he has a trifecta!), but for the rest of us it is a first! It is a lot more intense than the Mud Stash that I did. The Spartan has harder obstacles and if you cannot complete them then you do 30 burpees. It is going to be a major challenge. I am excited!

But....

I am also terrified!!!

This is going to be the most physically difficult thing I have ever done. (and I have given birth 4 times! haha)

With my health problems comes muscle weakness and fatigue. So that worries me. My arm gets tired just from holding up the hair dryer, so I worry I will have big struggles with the challenges. BUT I also know my personality. When I am determined to finish something then I will force myself to finish it. I will find a way. I don't care how long this race takes me to complete, I just care that I do complete it!

Today I am resting up my body and hydrating as much as I can. Tomorrow is a big day.

I will hopefully be able to post early next week about how the race went! My husband will be taking pictures so I will add those also. Wish me luck!

Scales Aren't the Only Things That Lie...

It is crazy the tricks that our minds play on us. When I look in the mirror I still tend to see a fat girl looking back at me. I believe what the mirror is showing me. I then feel down and frustrated that my work is for nothing. Which makes me sneak junk food and not work out as often as I should. I believe the lies the mirror is telling me.

The other day I went to my brother's house. His teenage daughter gave me a hug and she said something like, "woah, that is so weird. You are so skinny!" I was caught off guard! It made me feel good and also made me wonder if that was true. Was I really thin now? But the girl I see in the mirror isn't thin...

Today was a really rough day with the kids. They were fighting with each other, treating me poorly, etc. I was in a horrible mood and wanted to run away. By the time I got the two youngest to bed I had already planned I was just going to leave and walk for a couple hours by myself (tempted to not go back home for a long long long LONG time...). I had my shoes on and I was ready to leave after I tucked in my 4 year old. My husband peaked his head into the room when I was reading her a book and asked if I wanted to go for a walk with him when I was done. I decided it would be less lonely to run away if he were with me =)

We normally only walk about a mile, but with how I was feeling tonight we just kept walking. We ended up walking 3.8 miles (speed walking a lot of the time).

Ok, so how does this have anything at all to do with the first part of my blog??? I'll tell you...

When I was feeling so down and angry, I was feeling crummy about myself. I saw the fat ugly girl in the mirror. At first on our walk I still felt that way, but by mile 1 I was starting to feel a little better. I had emotionally cooled down. I was enjoying my husband's company. The endorphins were flowing. I went to look at the ground and saw this small body. My first thought was of confusion. Whose body was that??? Because it couldn't possibly be mine! I realized that the mirror had been lying and that because I have been stressed and not exercising as much as I should, my depression started kicking in. And when depressed I tend to believe the negative over the positive.

I may not be at my goal for how I want my body to look. I still have toning to do, I still have strength to gain, but I need to quit believing the lies that I am still the 210 lb fat girl I was just a few years ago. I have lost 64 lbs!!! I just walked 3.8 miles without getting out of breath and could've easily walked further. I am healthier than I have ever been and will continue to get better. And for now on, I will call the mirror out on it's lies and let myself see my progress and be proud of how far I have come.

Alone With My Thoughts

I have mentioned before that getting healthy isn't just physical health. Mental, emotional, and spiritual health are just as important. This post is focusing on those aspects of health.

Today my friend was in need. She needed me to deliver something important 2 hours away. I gladly helped her out, but honestly was a little afraid to be alone with my thoughts. I was happy to get to have a 4 hour break from everything and not have kids fighting or demanding things from me, but I'm not used to being left alone to think. So that made me feel a little anxiety.

I turned up the music so I wouldn't think much, but some music brought back memories and so did some places I drove by. Those memories were hard to have resurface. I tried quickly to push them back to the far back of my mind to keep them hidden like I've done for years. Because that is safer...

Then a scene from a show that I watched earlier today popped into my head. The girl had been sexually assaulted. She was embarrassed and felt ashamed. She felt if anyone knew they would see her as unfit for her job (she was a police officer) and see her as a victim. She was told that by not speaking out about it, that she was a victim. But that if she pressed charges, spoke out about it then she wouldn't be a victim any more. She would be taking back the power.

This made me think a lot. All these years of being ashamed, feeling guilt, and embarrassment. All these years of hiding what I went through. I didn't allow myself to heal. It is all still buried deep inside me. It tears me apart daily. It has made me feel powerless. I'm tired of feeling powerless.

As long as I keep everything buried instead of actually healing from it, my mental health, emotional health, spiritual health, AND my physical health WILL be affected. Now it is figuring out how to heal.

I think that often times when someone is struggling with weight issues and some health issues, that they have things buried that they need to figure out how to dig back up, deal with it, heal from it, and never let it weigh them down again. It is a hard thing to do and I'm not sure yet HOW to do it.. but I think it is important enough to figure out so that I can be a healthier person on all levels.

What things do you need to work through in order to allow yourself to get healthy? I encourage you to ponder that question.

My First Obstacle Race

I have been meaning to write about this for a month, but time slipped away from me. In the end of May, I flew out to Indiana to spend time with family. My parents (who actually live just a couple miles from me), my 4 brothers, my 2 sisters, and I got to spend several days together (also several nieces and nephews). One of the things we did together was participate in a race called the Mud Stash (click HERE to see the website about it). It was so much fun. As an adult, I had only done one race, which was a 5k blacklight run. Never have I done anything with mud and obstacles!

I had completed the BeachBody 21 Day Fix a few days before the race. Thank goodness I did that because it prepared me much better than I would have been. We had a group of 14 doing the race together (my dad, 3 of my brothers, my sisters, and nieces and nephews) which made it seem to go by real fast. Some of the obstacles were very difficult, but I tried almost every single one. I learned that my upper body strength isn't where I need it to be. The monkey bar style ones were too hard for me to get very far on, but at least I did try!

Toward the end, with the finish line in sight (but about 4 obstacles left) I slipped off one in the water and slammed my knees into gravel. They were bleeding and swelling up fast. The old me I think would've just stopped then, but my first thought was, "I HAVE to finish this!" So after I took a moment to compose myself and the rest of our group was ready, we went on to the next obstacle. Dragging my knees as I army crawled in mud under ropes... I just kept going. (below: my brother, Josh, and I)

I made it to the finish line and got my first medal!

I can't put into words how great it felt to accomplish something like this. Other than childbirth, this was the most physically wearing thing I have ever done.

I have spent the past month having to do physical therapy for my knee. I hurt one of them much worse than the other (the doctor thought for sure I had fractured my knee cap and was surprised to see on the xray that I hadn't. Just hurt the pattelar ligament and deeply bruised my knee) so I wasn't able to do much for a while. I was on crutches and wearing a leg brace, plus doing physical therapy twice a week. I am not 100% yet, but almost there. Tomorrow is my last physical therapy appointment and I just got the go ahead to do my intense leg workouts to test out my knee.

I have 32 days left before my brother and I will be doing the Spartan, so I have to get back to my training!

I have never been one who has much physical strength, but I have always been one who is quite determined to finish what I start. I am working hard to gain the physical strength to go along with my determination so I will be unstoppable! :)

What do you do for YOU? I have found that I absolutely love the feeling of finishing a race. I want to do as many as my finances will allow. It makes me feel good about myself, it gives me a goal to work toward... it is important to have something that is just for you. Especially as a mom. This is something I do for me, for my health, for my emotional well being. What will you do for you?

My 21 Day Fix Results

This past week has been a bit crazy! Sorry for not posting.

Last week, I wrote about how I slipped on a toy and hurt my leg. It got worse, so I finally went to a doctor. Luckily it wasn't broken, but my fibula had a contusion. So she told me not to exercise my leg at all and let it rest. I had to modify my workouts and only workout my abs and upper body, but I still stuck with it!

Monday we had our weigh-in. We completed the 21 Day Fix. I was disappointed that I didn't lose as many inches in the past week, but with my injury I expected that. I did lose 2 lbs in the last week though!
Here is my before and after picture for the 21 day fix:

9 1/2 inches lost and just over 4 lbs in only 21 days is definitely something to be proud of, and I am. But most importantly, I am getting stronger and healthier. I am going to keep up with the regimen. This wasn't just a "quick fix" for me, this was to jumpstart my new healthy lifestyle.

If you would like to start a healthier lifestyle and join me on this journey, contact me at journeytoahealthymomma@gmail.com and I will help you find what can work best for your situation.
To order the 21 day fix program (or any other of Beach Body's great programs) CLICK HERE

Confession Time...

I am 16 days into the 21 day fix by Beach Body. The only days that I haven't worked out are Sundays. Otherwise, without fail, I have worked out. Even if at 10 pm, I got it done. I thought it would start getting easier by now. Or that I would enjoy it by now...

I was WRONG!

I really don't like working out. I never have. During the workout I am counting down the minutes to being done. The only way I don't do that is if the exercise isn't a typical workout- such as mowing the lawn, dancing, hiking, swimming, taking a walk with the family...

In the past that would make me not want to keep doing the workouts, but guess what?! That is life! Not everything is going to be fun, enjoyable, or something we like to do. The thing is, it still HAS to be done. It is part of being a responsible adult.

Sometimes I wish I weren't a responsible adult haha

If I really don't like working out, then why do it?

Good question. I do it because if I don't then my body is more likely to get sick and be weak. I do it because health is important if I want to live a full life. I do it because I want to be healthy enough to play with my kids and then when they have kids- to run around playing with my grandkids! I want a full and happy life. I don't want to be held back by the limitations of my health. I want to race in the Spartan! I want to run 5k's or even a marathon one day. I want to travel with my husband when we are old. Heck, I want to be doing fun races together (like the Blacklight Run we did recently) when we are in our 70's!

So if in order to do all the things I dream of doing, I have to exercise regularly and eat foods that fuel my body rather than make me feel cruddy, then that is what I will do. Because hard work pays off!

What things do you dream of doing? Aren't your dreams worth the hard work?

Stupid Mistake

This morning I was doing good, getting things done, felt pretty good. I drank my Shakeology and put my son down for his nap. I was all pumped to go work out so started to head to the living room....when I stepped right on a toy, which slid across the linoleum; my foot went with it. My leg twisted and my body fell to the ground. I hit my ankle, hip and wrist on the floor, plus was in pain up my leg from twisting. As soon as it happened and I felt the pain, my first thought was, "DANGIT!!! How am I going to workout now?!?!" Which is funny since I really don't enjoy working out... but I love how I feel afterwards so was very disappointed.

After a few minutes of my 4 year old daughter comforting me and making sure I was ok, I was able to get up and hobble to my room to lay down.

Very quickly the disappointment of not getting to workout really got to me. After laying down working on things on my computer for a while, I found some hidden gummy candies and ate them- because that is my stupid habit that I fall back on when I am upset.

BIG MISTAKE!

I haven't had dyes in a long time and I have barely had any sugar during this 21 day fix (just a little bit of chocolate), so my body got angry at me. I got a massive headache and felt sick. This happened within about 10 minutes of eating it. I felt very sluggish and irritable too.

Goes to show how bad junk food is for my body and mind! It was so not worth it. I am still feeling the effects hours later. I would much rather eat healthy snacks and feel good than to feel this way again. I would much rather eat my healthy chocolate! (click here for the post with the recipe)

Although my mistake was stupid, I have learned from it. And isn't that what matters the most? :)

Don't trust the scale....It likes to make you believe lies!

The scale is evil. How often have you worked hard, stepped on the scale, and saw NO difference or very little weight lost?? I swear the scale gets a laugh out of making people feel bad about themselves.

Scales tell you lies. They tell you that you have made no progress or barely any at all. They make you feel like it isn't worth putting the work in. Don't trust a scale.

So who do you trust??

Mr. Tape Measure!

Yup, he is kind. He likes to make you feel better about yourself and makes you want to keep pushing harder and harder to keep seeing results. I like him. He is my friend.

In the past 2 weeks of working hard and eating healthy (21 Day Fix by BeachBody along with Shakeology), I have only lost 2.2 lbs. Just barely over 2 lbs??? For all that work?? The scale is telling me that I am not doing good enough and should just give up.

But then my friend, Mr. Tape Measure, came along and set things straight.

"You lost an inch on your upper chest!
You lost a quarter inch on your left arm!
You lost 2.75 inches on your waist!
You lost 2 inches on your hips!
You lost half an inch on your right thigh!
You lost an inch on your left thigh!
You lost a total of 7 and a half inches!!! Way to go!"

Do you see why he is my friend? :)

If you truly want to see if all the work you are doing is making any difference, then PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE measure along with weighing. Yes, weighing matters too, but as you are working out you are gaining muscle. And muscle weighs more than fat. See image below (I apologize, I know it is gross looking!)


This picture speaks volumes.

Let the tape measure be your cheerleader. If I can see a dramatic drop in inches in just 2 weeks, I know you can too!! My husband lost a total of 11.75 inches these past 2 weeks!

I will share my before and after pictures next Monday since that will be day 21. Looking forward to sharing my results!

Health Problems Holding You Back?

I have several health problems that have made life a little more of a struggle for many years. Nothing super horrible, but still it wears on me. I have had endometriosis since I was about 14. I have had 4 surgeries for it. It has caused me daily pain for almost 20 years. My most recent surgery did dramatically help reduce that, thankfully, but I have pain from the internal scar tissue still.

I have hypothyroid, which just this week has been found to be due to Hashimotos disease. I am on a daily medication, but still have a lot of the symptoms.

I also have gastroparesis (among a few other things, that I won't bore you with).

Gastroparesis is "paralysis of the stomach." The washboard like part inside the stomach that is supposed to move and agitate to break down the food is much, much slower than it should be. It causes me a lot of discomfort. The food sits in my stomach and causes bloating, pain, nausea, gas, belching, and just downright feeling miserable. I have days where I do a lot better and then some days where it is really bad. Certain foods aggravate it; meat (unless ground up) and raw veggies. These foods take a lot more work to digest. Well, the past 2 weeks I have been eating a lot more meat (because I wasn't eating enough protein before) and a LOT more raw veggies. I eat a salad or 2 a day now. So the past couple days I have been miserable. Today I have been so nauseated that I didn't want to even eat. Worse yet, I didn't want to exercise. I mean, would YOU want to exercise if it made you feel like you were going to throw up all over the floor??

I actually considered skipping my workout today. Then I realized that I can't keep letting my health problems slow me down. Too often I haven't done things or put off exercised because of my endometriosis pain or my gastroparesis symptoms. I don't want to use them as excuses any more. Obviously if the pain were to increase during exercise then I would slow it down...or if I did actually throw up all over, then I would stop... but I won't let the fear of what could happen stop me.

It was 10 pm tonight.... I thought real hard about just doing a double workout tomorrow instead, but I decided it was best to just push through it. It helped that my husband needed to get his workout in also and that our 8 year old daughter was begging to workout with us. So reluctantly, I did the 30 minute Cardio Fix.

I pushed myself hard. Harder than I have the past 2 weeks! It felt great! Sure I felt like I was going to throw up...but I still felt good.

I am not saying that all health problems should just be pushed through. I know from speaking with my doctors that it is safe for me. So always consult a doctor first to make sure it is safe for you! I think back to the season of Biggest Loser where the theme was, "No more excuses!" I am not going to use my excuses any more.

I have a Spartan Race to prep for! I can't let anything get in my way! Plus, I want to be healthy for my husband and kids. I want to be around for as long as possible.

I know it isn't easy to workout with health problems, but there are ways to modify and do some for of exercise to just get your body moving. And it is possible to adjust your diet no matter what. Nutrition is the most important part. No more excuses. Your health is too important. Make small steps to eating healthier and it will soon get easier. Plus, eating healthy can actually cure some ailments or at least reduce the problems associated with the disease. The effort is so worth it.

What Is Holding You Back?

We all have a reason for not being fit and healthy. Every single one of us.

Not everyone has the same reasons. The reasons can vary quite a bit. But we all have our reasons.

The important thing is to not let our reasons be an excuse! Because no matter what, there are things we can do to be healthier.

I have struggled with quite a few reasons and find that as I work on pushing aside my excuses that I find new ones. I have never really liked to exercise. As a teen I struggled with knee pain and asthma. I was already very skinny, so why exercise? It didn't matter what I ate, I still wouldn't gain anything; so why eat healthy? I didn't get a good routine set up then and it is much harder now that I am very set in my ways.

I LOVE donuts, cake, chocolate, cookies...Like I would be happy eating them for every meal and snack. I am addicted. They emotionally make me feel "better." I have always felt crummy after eating them, but my brain was happy and so I kept eating them. Addiction to junk food- my first main reason.

Figuring out that I am quite gluten intolerant forced me to change that. It is a lot more expensive to buy pre-made gluten free junk food. And making them was time consuming and I couldn't do it without my kids knowing; which meant that I would have to share! haha So I slowly phased out a lot of that food.

Ok, now I don't have that excuse... so why do I fight being fit and healthy?

I won't bore you with each and every thing that has arisen, but the most recent one that I have realized, which I think is the root of it, is this:

I don't feel worthy of having self esteem.

If I feel good physically, am strong, have a great body from working out, great skin from eating healthy....then the natural thing would be to feel good about myself and my looks- therefore having self esteem. I have never felt worthy of that. I have many past memories of my looks being made fun of embedded into my mind. So whenever I have felt like I look good I will hear those voices telling me I am ugly, my chin is too big, my nose is huge, etc. I hear a voice saying, "How can YOU have self esteem?? You are too ugly to have self esteem!"

And this is where I am stuck. In this horrible mindset. I am afraid of looking good. I am terrified of actually thinking that I look good. And this is a crummy place to be stuck.

Am I going to let this hold me back anymore?! NO! Ok...so on the inside I am really doubting my abilities to fight this mindset... But I think the first step is to recognize what I need to work on- check! Next thing to do is to fake it till I believe it- check! I am going to say I won't let it get in my way any more. Then I will remind myself of it again in a few minutes...and then again and again until I do finally believe I am strong enough AND WORTH IT to believe I deserve self esteem. I have to do this. For me, for my husband, and for my kids. They deserve the best me that I can possibly be. And until I feel good about myself, I can't be my best.

What is holding you back? It is time to peel back the layers and work on them one by one until you finally allow yourself to get healthy!

5 Tips To Get Motivated

Some days it is just really hard to get going. Today is very much one of those days.

My 4 year old woke up because of a "sad dream" at 4 am. I had only been asleep for almost 4 hours so I just climbed into her bed so I could just go back to sleep and still have her be able to easily go back to sleep. But I don't sleep well in her bed, especially next to her- she moves constantly. So as you can imagine- I'm so very tired today that I just want to be napping.

My youngest is napping, so really I could get away with taking a nap. But then I think of all the many things that have to be done today and all the appointments and running around; and I know that this is my only chance to workout today.

After a while I was able to convince myself to get up off my bum and do the 21 Day Fix upper body workout. Doing the 30 minute workout- though exhausting and a hard workout- gave me some energy. When I was done, I wanted to burn some more calories so I got out the treadmill I bought a couple weeks ago, but hadn't actually used it.

This treadmill is a manual one that is inclined, so is a very hard workout. I lasted 10 minutes and that was with pushing it hard! I wanted to give up after only 3 minutes; which had felt like 20 haha.

My normal mindset over the years would be- I'm too tired, I'll work out tomorrow instead. Then the next day would come and I would say the same thing... It was a horrible pattern I got stuck in. I refuse to get back into that pattern again.

I have noticed this past week and a half that if I am tired and don't want to exercise, that if I just make myself get started then I will gain the energy to keep going.

If you find yourself not wanting to workout, try these tips:

#1- Start with something small- even just doing a warm-up. That should get your body and mind ready for a full workout. So don't focus on doing a 30 minute workout, just focus on a few short minutes at a time, then add another minute or 2 as you go. Soon you will be at 30!

#2- Workout with a video- I find that if I am just trying to come up with exercises to do rather than following someone's routine, then I don't do as much or work as hard.

#3- Make a list of the reason why you want to workout and refer to it as a motivator for pushing yourself to workout. (my biggest motivator is that my brother is driving over 12 hours to come do the Spartan Race with me this summer, so I HAVE to get in shape for it!)

#4- Bribe yourself!! Pick a treat that you will reward yourself with if you workout- "If I workout 30 minutes then I can sit and watch a tv show for 30 minutes." or "If I workout 3 times this week then I get to have a frozen yogurt." I am sure you can come up with some great motivators. Bribery works for kids, I think all parents are guilty of bribery to some degree haha, so why not use it on ourselves?!?! Just make sure to go for healthy rewards so that you don't undo all your hard work. (a little chocolate here and there is fine...and GOOD in my opinion haha, but not a bag full of chocolate!)

#5- Join a team that you check in with. There are so many different online resources for this. My husband and I are part of the Beach Body community. We have a coach who motivates us. There are challenges we can be a part of to win prizes and be held accountable for exercising and eating right. That has been helping both of us a lot!

Have you found something that helps get you motivated to get your workout in? Leave a comment below. I would love to hear your tips too!

Week 1 Weigh-in

I don't know where time has gone. Each day has gone by so fast that I haven't been able to post. This morning is a nice lazy morning so I figured as I sit here cuddling with my 3 year old son, that I could sneak a post in.

Yesterday was weigh/measure day! My husband and I were all sorts of excited to see how much just a weeks worth of efforts did. We started out with weighing. Adam had hidden the scale for the week so we wouldn't see it sitting there and be tempted to weigh. So we had no idea what to expect. He made me go first-of course haha. I step on all excited. Then the number shows up...

1 lb lost...

Well, that was disappointing. I felt discouraged. Especially since I thought that I looked like I was losing weight. Must have been all in my mind.

Next, Adam...

1.6 lbs lost...

Well, he lost almost a pound more than I did. He too was a bit disappointed.

Then on to measuring. First I measured my upper chest (above the breasts) and I had lost .75 inches! Then onto my arms- no change. I started feeling discouraged again. Then I measured my waist- right around my belly button...

2 inches lost!!! That right there made me excited and that my efforts were paying off.

My hips lost half an inch, and my thighs didn't lose anything. But I lost a total of 3.25 inches. So I felt rather happy about that.

Now, Adam's turn. I will let him fill you in on the details with his own blog (click here to see it) which he is planning to update today. But he lost an impressive 7 inches!

What did I learn from this?? #1- hard work does pay off and #2- the scale isn't the best way to tell if you have lost weight. Because as you exercise, you will gain muscle to replace the fat. I used a body fat monitor too, and it showed I lost 3.4% body fat. So that measly 1 pound on the scale didn't matter.

It is crazy to be seeing the changes in my body. Just the other day, I put on a pair of exercise shorts that I haven't tried on in a couple months. The last time I put them on they were so tight that they gave me a wedgie (pretty picture right? haha), but when I put them on on Saturday, they were baggy!

My body is changing and getting stronger. It may be a slower process than I would like, but it is happening. I am not very patient. I want to just be strong now, toned now, at a healthy weight now. But if I could snap my fingers and be there already then I would miss all the things that you would normally learn on a journey. For there is always a lot to learn and see and enjoy on a journey. So I will make myself be patient....for now :)

I CAN Do This

A few years back, when I weighed 50 lbs more, I had friends who made rather discouraging comments. One, who considered me his best friend, actually said to me, "You just need to accept the fact that you are fat and always will be." Another "good" friend would often tell me I was fat and that she loved me anyway. My in-laws also often made comments. The one that still sticks in my mind- because it hurt the most- was when we were trying to take a family picture. I set up the camera with a timer then was going to go join them. One of them made the comment that I was too big to fit in the picture.

Comments like those hurt. They hurt bad. And they don't help at all! During the time these comments were made, my husband and I were working hard to lose weight. We had a Biggest Loser competition going on between us. We were both losing weight (definitely not as fast as the people on the show though!). No matter how hard I tried, the comments were said. And even when they weren't being said to me- they were still stuck in my mind. So I gave up. My closest friends didn't believe in me, so why try any more? I figured I would always be fat.

Their words still often come to my mind, but now instead of letting them make me crawl back into my tub of chocolate ice cream- I just tell myself, "I am going to prove them wrong!" Course I already have. I have lost 54 lbs already! I am proud of that. Sure, I am not skinny like I was back in high school, but guess what?! I wasn't healthy when I was skinny in high school! I want to be healthy and I am on my way there.

Now I have a great support group. I think that is why this time I will stick with it. I have done 30 minutes or more of exercise every day this week (Monday through Saturday) and I WILL keep going.

If you are on your journey to getting healthy, make sure that you have a good support group and do your best to tune out the ones who will put you down and make you feel less than you are. Because YOU are amazing. YOU are capable of getting healthy. And YOU are worth the time and effort! I truly believe that about you.

Setting A Good Example

I think one of the best things about taking charge of my health is the example it sets to my kids. We have a lot of health problems on both my side and my husband's side of the family. So to show our kids how to grow up making healthy choices will hopefully help them not end up with diabetes or heart disease (which run in our family).

I love that my 3 year old son begs for salad. He absolutely LOVES it. There have been nights where I didn't put a salad out with dinner and he got upset and said, "Want salad!" I love that my 4 year old will ask if she can have a healthy treat and that my 8 year old asks to exercise with us. Our 13 year old is wanting me to start jogging with her and she wants to do the Spartan Race with me this summer.

Last night, my hubby and I did our 21 Day Fix workout (we were on the pilates one....but really should've been called "intense ab workout"!). Our 8 year old daughter ended up joining in. Then once the 30 minute workout was over, she begged to do another one! We were hurting so bad. Our abs were on fire! But how could I turn down my daughter who wanted to do something good for her body? So we did the 10 min Ab Fix.... OW! Over 400 sit ups later... our abs were even MORE on fire! She asked to do more, but it was close to 10 pm and I really don't think my body could've done any more haha. But she got up this morning and worked out with her dad again and she can't wait for tomorrow since she has no school and can workout with me.

I love that my kids are getting excited about working out. I love that they are noticing our food changes and asking questions about it and asking if they can eat the way we are. I told my 8 year old she can eat the 21 Day Fix diet if she wants BUT she doesn't need to measure because she should eat what her body is telling her to. I don't want her to feel she needs to restrict her intake right now; just listen to her body. And that she doesn't need to diet, but eating healthy foods is a good idea.

As a parent, it is so important to set a good example to our kids. Afterall, where else are they going to learn good habits?

I Was Craving Jogging..... WHAT?!?!?!

I don't know what to do with all of this new-found energy! Today I just had so much energy pent up inside that I went to a local state park and jogged almost 2 miles on a very hilly path through the woods. I am not a runner. I normally am not even a jogger. But today I was seriously craving a jog.

It was so beautiful out and peaceful. I listened to music, breathed in the fresh air, and pushed my body to it's limit. And it felt GOOD! I am not even sure how to process this haha! This isn't the me I've known for 33 years. This isn't the me that I was even a few days ago. This commitment to a healthier me has really changed a lot in such a short time.

I am eating healthier, I am exercising no matter how badly I don't want to, I am focused on bettering myself. The results so far in just a few short days? I am happier. I had been trying to get out of a depression funk for months. I am finally out of it. I am already feeling more confident in myself and having self esteem. I have gone my whole life with barely ever feeling good about myself and I feel better about myself right now than I ever have before. I feel good. And saying it makes me feel even better!

I am even seeing physical changes already too. Which is just crazy.

All it takes it making a choice. Not a doing something because your doctor told you to, your spouse told you to, a friend told you to... But because YOU decided in your heart, mind, and soul that you want to be a better you. Every time I have tried to get healthier, it was half-hearted. This time my whole heart is in it. It helps that I have a support system to help me, but I am not doing FOR them, I am doing it for ME. For the first time in a long time, I am excited about life and the future.

Day 3- Things Are Looking Up

When I woke up today, I didn't want to move. My muscles were tense and sore and I again, figured staying in bed would be nice. But I had scheduled a chiropractor appointment this morning, so had to get up. Once I started moving, my body felt a little better, but still very sore. I couldn't imagine getting through my exercise routine today.

At my appointment, my chiropractor told me of a supplement (creatine monohydrate) that he uses to lessen the affects of the sore muscles. So after I finished my appointment I went and bought some. I wasn't about to try and do my workout for the day without it! :) I got home and mixed it in with my Shakeology for my breakfast then soon after I started my workout.

My husband and I decided to do the workout together today since he has the day off. I am sure we looked absolutely ridiculous... two adults struggling to do the moves the "correct" way, moaning and groaning as we do the simpler/modified versions. We seriously both made pained sounds throughout. There were times I actually collapsed onto the mat during the 20 second rest periods and really didn't want to get back up. Of course my friend's pug (we are dog-sitting today) thought that was great and came over to nuzzle her nose into my face/neck. Then she and our dog fought for our attention as we were exercising! Are you envisioning this? If you are, then I hope you are enjoying a good laugh! :)

On today's workout, the quote they had written on the chalkboard said,

" If you're tired of starting over, stop giving up!"

I thought about how many times I have started an exercise program, only to give up a few days in because the pain was too much. If I just push through then I can get past the pain, strengthen my body, and not have to go through the excruciating pain part again! This time I am sticking with it. I have my husband and friend who are my "coaches" to keep me going and keep me accountable. They encourage me and help me through the hard parts. I think that is why this time I won't give up- this time I am not just relying on myself, but having encouragement to help me through.

I hope that through sharing my struggles and how I worked through them, that maybe I can help others who are going through it too. Taking control of your health is important. I am 33 and just starting to finally realize how important it truly is.

Also, cute dogs and laughs are important so I made this :)

Day 2- I Just Want To Cry...

I will be totally honest...I just wasn't feeling up to doing much of anything today. I didn't want to eat the 21 Day Fix diet, I didn't want to exercise, I just wanted to lay in my cozy bed eating popcorn and chocolate all day. I was so worn out and sore today that I could hardly move. I only got up because I had to take my toddlers to the doctor. I wasn't looking forward to the day at all.

My hamstrings, quads, and calves are so sore that to go from standing to sitting is EXCRUCIATING!!! Just barely squatting my legs to go to sit gives me pain. The top of my abs are insanely sore too. Proof of how out of shape I am!

As much as I didn't want to eat right and exercise, I convinced myself to do it. Throughout the day when I would see food I knew I couldn't eat, I would have to seriously force myself not to pig out on it. Then when I got the kids down for their nap and I knew I needed to exercise while I could, I really had to make myself do it. It wasn't easy. I had to really push through the workout and modify the moves like crazy because my body just couldn't do it today. But I did do it!

One thing I loved that they said on the workout video was, "It won't get any easier. You get better." That really made me think. Not just about exercise, but life in general.

In my first post I said,

"Health isn't just about what the scale says. Health encompasses physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well being. I want to be healthy in all aspects."

So this is where I am addressing the other parts of my health. Life is hard. Parenting is HARD. It won't get any easier...but I will get better. Just like in exercise- getting through the trial may start out rough and painful, it may feel like it will never be over and that I won't live through it; but I will get stronger. The trials WILL make me stronger. I truly believe that. I just need to remind myself of it more often :)

Day 1- 21 Day Fix

I bought the PiYo challenge pack and my husband bought the 21 Day Fix challenge pack. I was planning on just alternating between both of our exercise programs and not really do a whole lot food wise, except make healthier choices. My husband and friend (who are my coaches on BeachBody) have been encouraging me to start the 21 Day Fix- exercise AND food. I really, really, REALLY didn't want to do the food part.

Let me explain why...

I struggle with fatigue and so the thought of putting much effort into what I eat is just overwhelming! To measure things out in the containers that come with the kit (it comes with color coded containers. Each color is a different food group. You figure out by your weight how many of each you can eat each day) and only be able to eat a certain amount of each container each day, just doesn't appeal to my tired brain. I already have enough on my plate of taking care of my 4 kids and the house AND fitting in a workout each day.

BUT today I decided that I am going to give it a try. WHY?? I am asking myself the same question! HAHA!

Ok, so the reason I am doing it is because I want to feel better and I want to learn portion control. It helps me get the correct amount of nutrients and amounts of food. I don't have to count calories (although I am going to for the first couple days just so I can convince my brain that I am indeed getting enough food into my body), just fill containers.

My breakfast was chocolate Shakeology with 8 oz of unsweetened almond milk and a small banana. That left me feeling full and gave me the energy to do my workout.

My lunch was 2 corn tortillas, 3 oz of chicken, and then I filled the green container with a mix of romain lettuce and grape tomatoes, with Tabasco sauce (thank goodness for unlimited hot sauce being allowed!!). It was very yummy, but I will admit it is less than I am used to eating for lunch. Normally I will eat 4 tacos with meat or beans, cheese, lettuce, tomato, and hot sauce. So cutting it down is going to be an adjustment.

Looks yummy right?!


I had already made the mind change that I wanted to eat healthier foods and cut out sugar, so that makes this a bit easier. It is the portion control that will be hardest. Like I mentioned in my first post- I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted and not gain anything. I still haven't been able to change that mind set! That is why me doing the 21 day fix is so important. It will train my body and mind to eat the correct portions.

Now onto the exercise... (I plugged my kids in... one on my phone and one on the computer, so that I could exercise in the morning rather than after they go to bed tonight)

OH MY GOODNESS!!! Day 1 kicked my behind! I am insanely out of shape. I had a big surgery back in December and wasn't allowed to lift anything at all for 8 weeks after and then for several more weeks I was only supposed to lift 15 pounds. I lost what little muscle I had and what little strength I had, so my body is weak beyond weak. I started out being able to copy the exercise moves exactly, but after about 5 or 6 minutes my body was exhausted. I had to do the modified moves, but I kept my body moving no matter how hard.

I used to give up if I couldn't keep up with an exercise video, but today I didn't. Because it is ok if I can't keep up. It is ok that it is too hard. That doesn't make me a failure! What would make me a failure is if I just gave up and didn't try. So I pushed through. I was sweating, my heart was racing, and my muscles were burning. At a couple parts my feet even started going numb. I made it through the 30 minute workout. And tomorrow I will be a tiny stronger and be able to do a tiny bit better. As I continue to do this each day (with the exception of Sunday...because that is my day of rest), I will get stronger and be able to eventually stop doing the modified versions.

Here is the crazy thing. After my workout was over, I sat down for a few minutes. After the brief rest, I had energy! I feel like running around and getting stuff done. I actually feel really good! Before I exercised I was tired and had to convince myself to do it. It truly is worth pushing yourself to exercise. It really will give you the boost you need.

Something New

As I mentioned in my last post, I struggle with sticking to any kind of diet/exercise plan. Now that I have been working to change my mindset, I am starting a new venture to help kick me into gear. I am trying out Shakeology by BeachBody. I also just got the BeachBody PiYo exercise program too. My husband is doing the Shakeology with the 21 Day Fix program. He really wants me to join him on the 21 day fix... I am deciding if I will go that route first.

I don't get enough nutrients, I never have. I may be eating healthier, but I definitely am not getting every nutrient I should be. That is why I finally decided that I should try the Shakeology. I am curious to see if getting the nutrients that I need will help with my chronic fatigue and general feeling of wellness. I will update on here about how my health is doing as I use the shake and the exercise program. (to learn more about Shakeology click here)

This morning I drank the strawberry Shakeology for breakfast, then did a 35 minute workout. The PiYo kicked my behind!!!! I am so out of shape, it's not even funny. Ok, so my kids think it is funny...but I don't! They had a good laugh as I struggled to do planks and push-ups. Little stinkers ;)

As I mentioned, my husband is also doing the Shakeology and the 21 Day Fix. He will be blogging about his journey on his website Cut The Crap. (just click on the name of the blog and it will take you there). He has a bunch of blog posts from years back and just started up again. Lots of good reads on there if you want to check it out!

In my journey to become a healthy mom, I hope that my kids will see my example and apply it to their lives. If a healthy lifestyle is instilled young, then it will be easier for them when they are my age to live healthy. I have always dreaded exercise and dreaded watching what I eat. It has take me far too long to finally get to where I am today. My kids deserve to have a healthy, active mom. And I am ready to make myself be that mom. Plus, I have got to get my body ready for the Spartan Race so I don't let my brother down!! :)

What have you found that keeps you on the healthy path?

Will Power Shmill-power

I have struggled for years with actually sticking to a healthier diet. I would try really hard to eat healthy and all that lead to was me sneaking junk food. I would go grocery shopping and buy donuts, which I would scarf on my way home and then hide the evidence. I would buy several different kinds of candy and hide them in my room so that whenever I was stressed (which happened more than once a day), I would hide out in my bedroom closet and eat a whole bunch.

Mentally, I would feel satisfied. Physically, I would feel like crap. I would then feel down that I ate it and that would make me feel like indulging even more. It was a vicious cycle. I would crave carbs and sugar like no other. I would get irritable if I didn't eat it. It is like a drug! I seriously calm down as I am eating the junk, even though it physically made me feel miserable. (the image that goes through my mind is like on movies or tv shows when someone shoots up some drugs...the look on their face as their eyes roll back, content with the high...that is me when I bite into chocolate...or whatever sugary carb sweet I am craving!)

I have struggled for years with pain in my bones/joints in my hands, legs, feet. I have also struggled with brain fog and major fatigue. A neurologist ran every test and couldn't figure out why these symptoms were happening. So of course I got the age old, "Your symptoms are due to depression" reasoning. Really? Was it that way? Or was it that I am depressed because of my pain, brain fog, and fatigue???

Shortly after seeing the neurologist, I saw a chiropractor who is also a friend. He suggested going off of gluten because in some people, gluten can cause inflammation. I had tried in the past and it was just too hard (even though I have 2 kids who are gluten free so already was cooking that way). But he said something that clicked, "Do you want to eat something that tastes REALLY good and feel like crap afterward? Or do you want to feel better?!" He then said that he doesn't believe in will power. It has to be an actual change of mind because it is too easy to give in when you are just trying to have will power.

I thought a lot about what he said. Did I want to eat whatever I wanted and feel like crap? Or did I want to feel better? I decided right then and there that I truly wanted to feel better. I stopped eating gluten and haven't gone back. That was almost a year ago. My pain has gone away and only come back if I am contaminated. My migraines are gone and my brain is working better (but my sleep deprivation is affecting that right now!).

I am not writing this to say that you should all go gluten free. My point is that YOU have to change your thinking and CHOOSE that you want to feel better before you will be able to stick with anything. Do you want to feel better??

I am still struggling with some things. I still was eating ice cream on occasion and chocolate, cupcakes whenever I got the chance... I noticed I felt worse after eating them. This week I made the decision that I am going to cut way back on my sugar intake. I haven't even had any this week except for honey!! Yay me!

But how am I doing that when the cravings have always been so strong? I found a healthy substitute.

This is a homemade chocolate that is actually good for you (with a strawberry dipped in it)! I love it. I actually feel good after eating it and satisfied.
All you do is melt coconut oil and put it in a blender with an equal amount of cocoa powder. Then add honey to sweeten. (Do not try to use any non-liquid sweetener...I tried xylitol and sugar and it was awful. It separates and is nasty!) After it is blended well, you can pour it over nuts or just by itself onto wax paper or parchment paper. Then put in the fridge or freezer to harden. At times I have added peanut butter to it. My parents and brother have said it is really good with nuts mixed in, I will be trying that way next. It is also amazing for dipping strawberries in! I have also sliced bananas up and froze the slices, then dipped in the chocolate. It instantly hardens. Just make sure whatever type you make- you store it in the fridge or freezer because coconut oil melts easily. (With the peanut butter one, I poured it onto parchment paper on a big cookie sheet. After it hardened, I cut it with a knife into smaller chunks, then am storing it in a baggy in the fridge)

Coconut oil has countless benefits, so it is a guilt free treat. I found that it is so satiating due to the coconut oil, that I don't feel the need to eat as much as I would normal chocolate.

I have made my choice that I want to feel better and keep adding to it. For me, it was too overwhelming to cut all my food vices out at one time so am slowly phasing them out. But at least I am moving in the right direction. I want to have energy. I want to feel good. I want to be a healthy momma! Plus, I told my brother I would do the Spartan Race with him this year so need to get my body ready for that!

Are you ready to feel better??

A Little About My Journey Thus Far

For my first post, I want to share a bit about me.

I am 33 years old, married and have 4 kids (ages 13, 8, 4, and 3). That is the me now.... but I would like to go back a little further...hope that I don't bore you!

My whole life I was thin. I was actually teased in high school for being so skinny. I had girls tell me, "you are so skinny you make me sick." How nice, right? I could eat anything and everything (and I did) and not gain a pound. I remember working at Burger King and my manager would let me eat whatever I wanted. In one shift I would eat a whole basket of chicken tenders, a basket of onion rings, a couple of whopper jr's, french toast sticks, tons of sugary soda... It was sickening really.

Then when I was pregnant with my first child I finally gained weight.... a LOT of weight. I went from 110 lbs to 185 lbs! After she was born, I stayed around 150. It took a couple years, but I finally got back down to the 120's. I felt pretty good and actually confident about my body. Then I had my 2nd child. After she was born, I worked so hard to get healthy. My husband and I joined a gym and I worked out 2 hours a day, 6 days a week. I ate only 1500 calories a day. I was doing more for my health than I ever had before. But I gained weight. A LOT of weight.

This is me in 2008 (my 2nd child was 1 1/2 years old). BIG difference right? Yes, pun was intended ;)

It turned out that my thyroid was all out of whack so it didn't matter what I was doing, I just kept gaining weight. It took a little while to get my thyroid under control and I slowly lost some of the weight. In the picture above, I was at my very heaviest weight- 210 lbs.

I have since had 2 more kids. My youngest just turned 3 and I am still trying to finish losing the weight I gained back in 2007. I am down to about 158 right now. I hadn't been this weight in about 7 years. I still would like to lose some more weight, but more importantly- I want to get healthy. Health isn't just about what the scale says. Health encompasses physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well being. I want to be healthy in all aspects.

There is much more about me and how I got to where I am now, but I will save it for another time. I hope that as I share my struggles and successes that it may help others in their journey. I know that doing this blog will also benefit me. It will keep me concentrating on my health more. I hope you will join me on my journey!